The Path

Posted: Jan 29 2005, 11:47 PM by Ladyhawk on SDF

The Path
The two paths, forest and spiritual, both can get seriously devastated. That happened to me and “my” forest three weeks ago. And yet, the forest was able to comfort me. In the forest I now have to learn to walk around the trees that has fallen down and to avoid branches that might fall down.

The spiritual path is somewhat similar to the forest path. Now I have to learn to walk and find new paths to be able to continue. Nothing is certain, a lot is unfamiliar. I have no map and has to go on “gut feeling”. But, down at the lake, there are a nice sunset waiting for me. Will I see it? Sure I will, with a little help from my friends.

Posted: Dec 29 2004, 08:16 PM by chip
Ladyhawk,you are going to hear a lot of advice, most of it relativly true, I am going to give you the bottom line, which everything else relates to.

You know that stillness that we talk about, and that 'blue hour' in the day? THAT is when you are feeling the influence of the ONE. That is as close as you can get to the ONE in your sensory consciousness. This is what the ONE is, this absolute stillness that is the background for all activity, from the whirling of the atom to the spinning of the universe and everything between. And YOU, Ladyhawk, can sit on the ground at sunset and sense it, become close to it.ALL activity, from that of the light workers to the devas and spiritual beings have thier grounding in this stillness. I will tell you a secret, the divinity does NOTHING. It does not plan, it does not take action, it does not interfere in our affairs. For almost everyone that is one scary notion, that WE are totaly responsable for our outcome. But it's built into us, we MUST return to our source. The beauty of the deal is that matter cannot hold us, because it encompassees the unchanging with that which constantly changes, and in time, even if we did nothing, the matter would gradualy fall away and we would become more and more revealed to ourselves as that perfect stillness.

So, if the divinity does not intrest itself in our affairs and is so perfectly still why should it matter to us? Because it is our primeary nature, and it is TOTALY aware, and so complete it's nature is of unspeakable abundance we call love.The bottom line ( and I repeat myself) is the stillness in which ALL beings, devas humans, demons and angels have thier being. It is a consciouse aware silence/stillness. I will tell you something, I ignored the visions, the music, the voices, and went like an arrow, like a knife cutting straight to the heart, for the ONE. Everything else was superfulouse. And in the final measure, everything else, IS superfulouse.

Second reason for seeking the ONE, to put an end to our pain.Next time you experience the blue hour, or the stillness, embrace it and let it embrace you, you've felt it's blessing before, open your heart to it. And then give it away to all of life, whether they recognise it or not. For this cannot be kept and retain it's nature. You will be all right my friend.The battle between the angels and the demons is fought in many fields, and the second coming of Christ has happened many times already. Let go off both angels and demons, they are NOT the one.Let go of the negative visions and the positive visions, they are NOT the one. Be only an observer which is what the ONE is. Simplify your goal, and your approach. We move from the many to the one, from the complex to the simple. I am you speaking to you, hear, ponder if you choose, and then let go of this too, it's not the ONE.It does not move, it's eternal, it does not have power, it is still. It is eternaly everywhere and eternally aware.
Namaste' Ladyhawk.
http://spiritual-forum.net/iboard/index.php?act=ST&f=19&t=592&hl=empty+space&s=2212482b9de08db601dfea808407e371

Guided to destiny

Posted: Nov 26 2004, 05:28 PM by Ladyhawk


Hi everybody, I´ll try to go back to the reason why I started the thread “destiny”. Most of you love to discuss the eternal in a metaphysical way. I wanted this to be more “down to earth”. I have noticed that a lot of people recognise karma, spirits, guides, God and a faith that you are always where you should be. According to circumstances. At the same time you recognice only your own effort. It is YOU that will take you there. Not any unseen spirit or force. You make your own destiny according to old karma. That is a huge contradiction. How can you chose your sorrows, hardships and joys that matches your karma when you don´t know what the karma is??? And if you knew, wouldn´t you avoid the bad parts?I tell you, the spirits and the divine is masters in conspiracy. In my life I cant say I have achieved anything on my own. So many times I tried to do something and it was impossible. No matter how hard I tried. That goes for both work, relationships and for spiritual paths and growth. To me it is very true that the Divine interfears with my life. Decides where I shall go. I just have to follow. To chose a single path, that some of you seem to have, is impossible to me. Blindfolded I have to go in the direction given. Where I will end up? Don´t know. Ask the One.



Posted: Nov 27 2004, 01:19 AM

When It comes to you I also thought of what you told in the other post. About your sickness and then your work. I had a very hard worksituation earlier. It drew me to resign and make myself unemployed roe a while. Then I asked a small company for work. They said not now. I got another job and learned some things I did not know before. That job ended after 6 months. Then I was stoped on the street by the man I asked before. He now asked about my jobsituation and offered me a job. I took it. After some time I realised that what I had learned on the other temporary job was what I needed to fix this new job. I have been at this job for 4 years now. It is close to home, I have a quiet job without stress and I often go home early. Gives me a lot of time for spiritual thinking and nature walks. And for some reason, I am finally a designing engineer.I needed this. I can´t help but think it was somehow arranged.Another time I was denied by a voice to go into healing. I was not given an explanation but I think it was because I should not "shatter" my thinking.On the net, two different, to me unknown people, advised me to write to the same person when I needed help. Coincidence? Hardly!I Have a lot of those things. Don´t you?

Empty Space

Posted: Sep 6 2004, 12:03 PM by Ladyhawk on SDF

Hi all,why am I hanging like an idiot in an emty space? with nowhere to go, noplace to stay and nothing to say! If there really are someone looking after me …….why am I being left in this emty space, it´s like a huge void???Reading your posts gives me a feeling of togetherness even if I don´t understand half of what you are saying (right yam? ) Everybody seem so busy following your paths or finding new ones. I envy you. Does any beliefsystem have an answer???

http://spiritual-forum.net/iboard/index.php?act=ST&f=1&t=324&hl=empty+space&s=2212482b9de08db601dfea808407e371

Snake meditation

Something nice happened today that I´d like to share with you all.

I have a lake 15 min by bike from my where I live. I use to go there a lot. So today. I was alone and the sun came through. Ad to that a little wind and the sound from trees and water. Makes me go into meditation mode. So I sat down and drifted away. After a while I could sense a precence and opened my eyes. Between me and the water was a snake. It´s tail almost tuching my leg. It was streched out, bending the head backwards, watching me. I sat still, this snake is harmless, and then it coiled (ran?) away down the cliff towards the water.

When it was out of sight I resumed meditaion. After a while something tickles my leg. Looking down I see the snake trying to enter under my leg. Instinctively I lifted my leg a bit. If I hadn´t moved it had come up to my lap. But now it moved away. Then I saw to that it got back into the forest. And the meditation was over for this time.

Shaman & Helix dream

"I don´t remember the beginning of the dream, but then I visited a man, probably a shaman, that should analyse my spiritual situation, how far I have come and what I have to do to continue spiritually. The room had white walls with no decorations on them. He layed down on a bench and got into a trance. Then it started to come out a huge amount of smoke from his closed right eye, the nostrils, mouth and ears. His left eye was glowing under the lid and through a tiny slit. Very bright. Above the eye was hovering a redglowing spiral (Helix type). When he woke up I tried to tell him what I had seen, but he did not want to hear. He reach for a small doll, looked carefully on it. Then put his finger on a point between the middle (vertical) chestbone and the right side nipple. Here, you have to press here he said. And the dream ended." This is a lot of symbols and I don´t understand a thing. What does the smoke and spiral mean??? And why shall I press that point? Hope you can help


.***************Posted on SDF and received a comment from ::
chip.
Hello Ladyhawk, As you most likely already know symbols are the language of the subconsciouse, the soul....it doesn't speak English If you don't already do it I would suggest keeping a dream journal, in addition jot down notes about the days events. And date both entries. After a period of time you'll notice any outstanding event in a day will have a dream symbol three days prior to the happening, you'll see a pattern developing between certain symbols and specific events.This is what I make of your dream......first you encountered a shaman, this indicates you need to make a self healing, then he gave you the answer as to what needs healing.... the helix on the left side indicates what you are responding to, your early enviroment, what you inherited by way of negative impressions resulting in negative judgements. The smoke coming out of the right eye means an inability to see clearly based on these judgements. Because of the symbols used by your subconciouse I think these 'negativities' are very subtle and you'll have to examine to see where and what they are.The doll is you. ( it can also indicate childhood and or children) that the shaman pressed the RIGHT side, near the heart area is how you will progress. The left is what we recieve, the right is what we do with it in the world. He pressed the doll near the heart area on the right side.You can put these symbols together for yourself better then I can for you know the particular elements of your life they may pertain to. But I would guess that this is an urge from your subconsciouse to do a lot of practicing of gererosity, including but not limited to, forgiveness. Not holding on to pain or hurt or constricting emotional judgements.I find it intersting that your dreams are so vivid and sequencial Ladyhawk, this in itself is an indication of increased growth.Hope this may have given you some insight into resolving your questions re the dream. Any insights you can come up with on your own will be more valuable then mine, as there are always other levels involved.
Shanti to us all, light in our eye

Aura Meditation

Aura Meditation (from a letter to S)
Yesterday I sat down to meditate before breakfast. As I am on holiday I can do that. I thought that maybee the stomach digesting kind of spoils meditation.

I tried to get out of the body into the aura. And I think I made it. But the aura was grey. Not colorful. I was scared and tried to clean it. Have I messed up that much? I had a dream also in the morning before that. "I was getting a job at my old company but I was given a job in the archive just making blueprints, not as an engineer. And I was trying to get my old job back:" I made a connection in my meditation that I might have spoiled my chances to go farther in my development.

I was searching the net for auracolors. It is obvioulsy so that it can be grey. But people did not seem to agree about the meaning of it.

This morning I meditated again before breakfast:
I was able to create te eggshaped aura again and I was trying to clean the aura. I opend the "watersystem" above my head and let the water flow. I took a brush and started to scrub the aura from top down. It was not as to scrub of dirt as I intended, but to remove a rubber-layer. It was hard. It´s like the meditation lived it´s own life, turning meditation into vision. Not controlled by me. I manage to remove the layer and saw some auracolors beneath it but they were faint. I took a step back to watch it and was quite pleased with the job. The "rubber sheet" laying around its base. And then I saw "the tall man" in the middle of the aura, his head above the aura. Slightly turned away from me. When he "faced" me I could feel a tiny smile of approval coming towards me.Then he bent down, took the layer from the aura-base and put it back on his "shoulder", like a cloak, also covering the aura. But he did not button up entierly, his "head" was still free and I could see a glimpse of the aura. And then the meditation/vision ended itself.

Time Train, altered consciousness

This is something that happened during the weeks May and June when I took care of my grandkids as my daughter was in hospital. I did not really realise it at the time, it came later, as it happend a similar thing again. During those days it was rather much to do. One day I noticed that I was sitting on a train. (not a dream some kind of vision) It was an oldfashioned train with heavy curtains in front of the windows. I noticed the rails was turning upwords like a wheel. The train “moving” on that rail, but my position was not changed. My mind or self was sitting on that train, looking out of the window and saw my body going about her business driving kids, cooking, washing and such. It was as my soul escaped into that timetrain, just sitting, following the things happening in the "real" world as the time went by. I noticed it now and then. Afterwords I realise it went on for I think at least two days. It seemed to be a way to keep the self at peace at the same time I cared for kids and work. I was still in that train compartment, the outside world moving with that “time-rail”.

If that is something that can be mastered at will it would be a splendid tool to keep serenity. Is it possible???

Tall Man dream

I came home to my appartment. It was almost empty and I saw a very tall man sending my things away. I reached him only to his waistline. He was dressen in grey. I was angry and attacked him. I get one of his fingers and I bit it, to try to make him stop sending my things away. He did not seem to be hurt or cared by my bitting so my anger stoped and I calmed down, then I looked around me, thought that it did not matter all that much.

Then he turned towards me saying: I take your things away because you should not really be here.

Rising vision

A vision coming when I sat at the kitchen table at work. It seem to be connected to that Maze-vision.

I was sitting in that white nothingness. Waiting. As I have been since that vision. Then I rise, slowly. Have you ever been 150% aware of something you have done? I could feel every musle, every movement that took me up to standing position. Rolling up, with the head rising last. And I grew a lot bigger in that procedure. You know, it was just like a movie when something rises and grows at the same time. A strange feeling.

I AM

...I AM….the beginning

...I AM… the end

...I ..A M


I was at the lake and the sunset invited me to meditation. I felt the warmth to my face and chest. The light shone bright through the eyelids shifting slightly due to the water. Then the words came to my mind, hesitating at first as having trouble coming through. Then after a few moments my mind had to prove its cleverness and the precious moment was over.

I think I am finely introduced.

Just wanted to share.

Into atoms

030909
I had forgotten about this, I got a mail from a friend:

Dear Aurora,
.
You are now in safe hands and should only learn to let
go and flow with the current. You should try not to
have any plans or objectives of your own. Surrender
everything but still feel responsible for your role in
this world. Just do your duties without any attachment
and enjoy the freedom of not wanting anything.

You are now within the gravity of the 'sun' and
whether you like it or not you will go 'zooming' right
into it.
S

And my reaction:
030909 what happend?
Dear S,
,just wonder what happend. When I opend your mail and started to read I got “pumped” up with an energyrush, I think. It is hard to explain the feeling but it was like wild water inside and around me. I did not leave my body, I know how that feels, but it was as if my body was dissolving into atoms, swirling around. It was hard to continue reading. It lasted a long time, only gradually disappearing.

With the “gravity of the sun” I guess you mean the pull from “The Universal” one or “The White light”. I won´t fight it.

Removal of Entity

In spring 2003 I met a man from UK online. He said he was alarmed when he saw my ad for friends and he wanted to help. He asked me a little and I told him some that had happened. He has a woman friend that has some gifts. He calls her a “resque medium”. He arranged a “sitting”. I had to concentrate on her name at a certain time and she worked on my name. I did get some feelings during that time she investigated me so I wrote to get some explanation. This is his response:

Hi A,
Do not be alarmed or frightened at anything that I write because I am going to explain exactly what has happened to you and how it came about in the first place. The first thing I have to say is do not meditate or do anything spiritual for the next 3 months and that is a must until the energies clear around you.
When we leave this life we pass to the next level of existence and some people do not realise that they have died and they are lost, you are a very sensitive lady and when you went into meditation your light was very bright indeed. In fact your light was bright green and that colour we associate with The Universal One and very few have that colour. A young man had died and was lost in the spirit world and when he saw your light he thought he had found God and attached himself to you, what you felt when you sat for that period of time was my friend Connie removing that young man from you and sending him into the light.
You might think that is all very strange but every word is true because I understand it all through experience the hard way. If you decide to do spiritual work at the end of the three months I have been told to tell you that you must learn to protect yourself from this ever happening again and also to read any books on psychic self defence. There are things that you must learn like opening and closing your Chakras once you understand these things I cannot see any reason why you should not do healing but I will check it out for you at the end of the 3 months if you want me to.

I hope that what I have written makes sense to you and you can understand what has happen and if you require any help on your spiritual path I am more than willing to help
Take Care
B


Hi B,
thank you for that explanation.

It is scary because during that time when I was at yogaschool I had that feeling of a "presence" I could not figure out what it was so I called it an "entity". Before it disapperaed from my awareness I had a dream of a young war-victim dieing in a box fileld with water. Just before he died I got him out of there. After that dream I could not feel that "entity" anymore and I kind of missed it. But from what you write now I think he was just hidden.

Believe me, I will follow your advice. Please send my thanks to Connie.

By for now
A

Note: looking back I see that Entity was with me for about 3 years.

Black window vision

I was in the bathtub after been to aerobics. Suddenly there was a black window in front of me. I leaned forward and put my head into it to see. It was like peeking in to some other world maybe. What I sensed was a presence, A VAST LONLINESS AND EMPTINESS. Like the universe itself without the stars. The universe is alone as I understood it. I withdraw my head and it was over.

Is this where we are heading? If so, why would we like to do that? There were no warmth about it as I expected it to be and it had nothing to do with "love" in any form. It was not even NOTHINGNESS.This lasted for maybe 30 seconds.

Waiting Father

Dreamt again. Nowadays I dream a lot. Never did that before. This time it made me thoughtful.

Here it is:
“It was late evening/night and dark. I was at some meeting and my father was supposed to drive me home. He is old and fragile nowadays. But he had to drive me. I told him to wait on a sofa, there were something I had to do before leaving. I concentrated of doing whatever I had to do and forgot about the waiting father. When I was almost finished I suddenly remembered and hurried for the sofa. He was still waiting. He said that he could not go home before I could go with him. HE HAD TO BRING ME HOME. “

Rotten stump

I am frustrated. More then I have been for a long time. What bother me most is that I am so completely out of control. I can do nothing. I cant meditate, I can´t stop the process. I can´t slow it down and I can´t speed it up and get it over and done with. I can do nothing. I feel so helpless.

I don´t feel alone because I have always been “alone” and are used to that. But I am getting empty. Last friday, midsummer eve, I took a walk in the forest. It was a rainy day and I was supposed to have dinner with my sister later on. As soon as I got into the forest my hands get heated up. But this time energy was drawn away from me. At first I did not care. Thought of your letter and accepted it. But then I it was getting to much and there was nothing coming in to replace it. To make the story short I have to say that for the first time I took to violence. I saw a rotten stump and I kicked it into a milion pieces. Then I took my umbrella and hit it as hard as I could to a trunk. The umbrella was broken and I started to cry hysterically. I ended up with a headache. I hated them. I wanted to build the walls again. It was terrible.

I pulled myself together and got home. Put some good music on and made the dinner.

Out of the Maze

Dear S,
Something happened today that I just have to tell you about.

I had just started my workout to strengthen my back and neck. Then I had a vision. It lasted only for a brief moment. But I think it is very important. If this showed the thruth than I am so relieved.

“I found myself sitting on my heels. The world around me was just shades of white. There were nothing to see as it was empty. The ground became sky without any noticeable line or horizon. A naked tree stood to the right beside a path leading nowhere. I stood up and turned around. Behind my back I saw a wall or a house. It had no openings and no structures on it. I immediately knew what it was. It was the maze that had hold me prisonor for so many years. I turn around again and looked around hesitating about what to do. There seemed to be no reason to leave the place as there was no place to go. No path to take. So I just sat down again waiting for something to happen. “

I think I have told you about the maze. How I have had the feeling of being in one. Always trying to find a way out of it. And everytime I thought I succeded I found a new wall in front of me. Imprisoned again. And now, for the fist time ever. I was outside the maze. Is it not wonderful?? So maybe you were right, looks like something happens to me after all.

Last summer when I was so trubbled I was angry and feeling like an obstinat teenager. I said to myself, I will never do anything again to try to get out of this maze or to be enlightened. I will sit in a corner, doing nothing, till I rotten. And in a way, that’s what I have been doing ever since then. AND NOW I AM OUT.

I wonder what will happen next. Who will take my hand and show me around in this new world??

I have a question for you. Do you ever sense my feelings when you open my mails? I do sometimes get feelings when I read peoples letters. Especially the first time I read the letter I can sometimes sense strong feelings.

Well, tonight I feel good. I hope you do to.
Yours A

Reiki

During the autumn I started to get a lot of energy in my hands. I did not need gloves when it was cold because of it. I told my friend about it. He adviced me to go and learn healing in order to harnest the energy. I started to investigate the possibilities quite happy to might be able to help. This evening I was searching the Internet for classes in my area. After a while I suddenly got a “hit in my head”, like lightening striking from the right hand side and the words DON`T DO THIS!!! Really harsh screaming at me.

I was terrified. I thought it was a good thing to do and then I was “thrown into a wall as if I had been a small child doing forbidden things”. I cried.

It took another year before I started to investigate that matter again. I think the energy is rather strong. I started to try healing around X-mas time. Continuing for three months, I did it for my daughter and my father. But when both of them ended up in hospital I stoped. I had read a book on Reiki where they recommended a test. You should take a tomatoe, divide it in two and put them in two covered jars. Then one of them should receive Reiki twice a day. After two months both of them had dark dots on them and looked about the same. The difference was that the one that had recieved Reiki was a little mouldy and had less dark dots. Not much difference.

Meditation on people

Heartchakra, Meditation on people
On the net I found a wise man in India, in this blog I´ll call him S. After a few mails
S suggested that my heartchakra was closed and gave me instructions on how to deal with it. I was told to go into meditation, then I should meditate on people I loved and people I disliked. I was supposed to change the feelings towards the disliked ones. To make it easier he recommended to start with the easy ones. Those you love.

I started out on april 23. I decided to start to meditate on my granddaughter as she was my oldest, 6 yrs. After a while she was in front of me. But then a hand gentley pushed her aside and my firstborn grandchild came in. He died at an age of 7 weeks. He sent me a mental message that he was the firstborn that I loved, he should be the first one. How true. He was soo welcome.

Next day I started the meditation and the third of my grandchildren wanted to be added to the crowd. After a while a fourth person came in, uninvited. Who it was? It was ME! Do I need to love and forgive myself??? Does not seem as I have to ad people. They comes by themself!

Well, after going through a lot of loved and liked ones I started with the “bad guys”. Grandpa first out. (See post 2006-06-25) I was greatly surprised when he appeared. First he was not alone and there was a table where he sat down. With my grandma behind him, as a guard!!! He was not allowed to see me alone. It was like one of those Jailsettings in a movie.

Well, continued with some other people. One a day as I meditated once a day at the time. The whole process took about 4 or 5 weeks.

A good one. (My grandson and my grandparents was dead, all others living)

Sidenote:
Two years later I told my granddaughter this story. She loved it. They often talk of this older brother and now she feels that she actually met him.

How it started "Am I tricked" 2000-03-12

A piece of history from March 2000:

Last year I joined a yogaclass. I have been practising yoga and meditation before, some years ago, but stopped because of limited time. Now I was out of job so I started again. It is easy for me to relax so several times I got down deeper than the others and had trouble getting out of meditation when class finished. Once I was feeling "drunk" for 30 minutes afterwords. Not funny to go home then in the middle of the night. The teacher had no idéa of why, according to him I should be able to "go out" whenever I wanted. So I had to stop class.

During the summer I was urged to meditate. It increased both in times and length. At the end of summer I got a job and again limited time. I was at that time doing Yoga Nidra and meditation every day. I had that feeling that I was led by something. I called it Entity. It guided me. Entity gave me the idéa that it was building or preparing my brain for something to come. Sometimes we had arguments about what to do. It was draining me to much so I had to tell it to replace some of that energy in the end of maditation. (I keep this spelling, for some reason I often write maditation). After that it was better, but not good. Well I stoped yoga and yoga Nidra and continued during the fall only with meditation.

Now, since X-mas, I had some strange dreams about parts of me dying. During meditation different things happend. At first there was nice things or visions, then at the end, bad things. The last thing was two hands coming out of nowhere, grabbed my brain and ripped it apart. I fell down crying and sobbing for a long time. It was 3 weeks ago and I am still affected by it.

I started class again in februari and I talked to the teacher. HE SAYS THAT WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING HAS NOTHING TO WITH MEDITATION AND SPIRITUAL GROWT. And he also says that I should be able to stop a meditation session at any time. But it doesn´t work that way. As I experience it it is like a process. It stops by itself when the process is finished. If stoped by force I don´t feel good or rather I feel worse than usual.

If he is right, then why is this happening? And why am I doing this? He says you can decide yourself what to do. But that is not true. This has nothing to with what one wants. It would be much easier for me to buy Ginseng to feel good and strong. Instead I am sitting here writing to find answers. It won´t let go.

If I am tricked, then I have to stop this, no matter what the cost will be.

Brainsplit

The END
Yesterday night I got an answer from Yogaville. One of the teachers wrote me a letter instead of the swami. I was glad and took it as a kind of positive reaction to my stopping meditation. She wrote a little story of a girl waiting for her father. (He made her a puzzle from a newspaper teared apart. She was clever and turned the pieces upsidedown to finish because on the backside was a picture af a human face.) She also explained the "snapping" in my head as "adjustments" to meditation.
I took this little store as a sign that I might find an easier way than the complicated way of mentalism, so that might be the way for me.

With a little hesitation I sat down this morning to meditate. It started OK, I seemed to be "going somewere", this computerstorage was gone. But suddenly there were two hands grabbing my brain and ripped it apart. I fell out, all crying, and felt a strong urge to go and commit suicide. I was crying. This was surely not what I had expected. If this is the benefit of meditation, I will NEVER sit down again. This was the END of that. If all they can do is to fool you and make you feel miserable then I better do without it. It is now 3 h since it happend and I still feel the need of committing suicide, but that will have to wait, there are things I have to do first. My watch told me it took only 22 minutes for this catastrophe to take place.

I think I might put this on the net to warn others. So far I have not find anything that makes it worth it.
I will have to write this teacher to thank her for her time, but how do I tell her what happend???