2009-09-17

Feng Shui and repressing

No matter what, even remotely connected to the spirit world, I avoid it.

When my daughter said she finally started to read that Feng Shui book she has, I backed off. She looked surprised. She did not understand how strong this is. That I feel that even Feng Shui can hurl me into unwanted areas. Maybe I did not either.

As soon as thoughts come I put it in the dark. Push it aside. But it makes life difficult. It is hard to avoid things that are everywhere. I make myself blind and deaf to avoid seeing it, hearing it, listen to it. I can´t even read my blog anymore. Pushing it away. “it does not concern me”.
I repress it. Forgetting it ever happened to me.

Soon I think I will have blocked it all. And will cease to write on this blogg.
Soon!

2009-09-08

No purpose

I never understood it to be a malignant force.

So, in my understanding, it was the “good guys” that hit me. For what purpose I fail to understand. Smashing for the sake of smashing, without purpose? Maybe they wanted to find out how long it takes to start hating. If so … now they now.

As it is the “good” side hitting me, I have nowhere else to turn. I can´t set my hopes to a “good god” as there are none. I can only do what I am already doing. Trying to forget it is there. Ignore it.

2009-09-06

dream again death

I was traveling with a group this time. One person did at the hotel. It was Ingemar, my old antagonist. After a day or two when we were supposed to leave, another person died. Roine, this time, a college from the past.

I stayed in a room and had a roommate. The room mate was out when the news came. I went out and spotted the body.

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Was thinking of all dreams with obstacles for me. People in the dreams never let me reach the goal. Later all dreams about failing to reach the transport. Except for one dream. I was on the train but the dream stopped before it reached the target.
Where does this leave me? I still hate all of it.