Obstacles

This is truly a change of times for me. Up to now I was presented with one obstacle after another. I was smashed and hit. I was misunderstood. People NEVER read things the way it should be, as I ment it. Like if I said All, they thought I ment rock and flesh. When I ment “All”. Rock, flesh, thought, idéas, dreams, energy, concept, universe, radiation, spirits, even illusions.

Now it seems like all those obstacles is falling off one by one. The last one now was the concept of detachment and neti-neti. Everything I fought for, my “knowing” seems to be right after all, but somehow it has deepened in understanding. All those Neithers, netis, illusions and stuff turned out to be what I thought from the beginning. Just concepts to confuse me as I never was able to accept them as true. Things evolve as it should when you let it. I was wrong in trying to hold on to my version. It was not nessessary to fight, I just could have let it go out the other ear, and stick to what I thought was right. But that is not easy when everybody accuses you of being wrong and stupid.

Today I will pick up the book I ordered. The Dzogchen book by D Lama. Grim has encouraged me to join the Buddhist forum, but I don´t think I will. I don´t want to get caught up in any more obstacles. I will read the book and try to see throu it as I did the Tibetan one. I will try to remain free of thought. That is where I belong.

It is soooo nice to feel thoose false chips being chipped of now, to reveal ……………. what is still to ve seen. Hopefully no new ones are added.

Obstacles

Dear,
in a way this is a kind of “farewell” letter. The events this past month has now convinced me that it is of no use to discuss this topic, or to try to get trou the vail. The resistence is to great.

So many things that happened it is impossible that it is coincidents. I know you and others say that Rigpa/Absolute has no whises or anything, yet there is something controlling what happens to me. This time it is clear that even you have been tampered with. You know me so well and yet wrote as you did. In the last email you changed the illusion part to “You are trying to grasp Rigpa intellectualy.” Something like that. Completly forgotten all I have said about the second id, visions, obe:s, the spot in the heart, energy. That half of me is already there. Either you never believed me or you were blinded so you did not see. It´s my heart that tries to understand, intellect is a varifying factor. This time even the internet was manipulated. Missing mails, adresses that failed. Everything worked against it. You complained about me being angry, rightfully, but I was never heard until I screamed, was angry or had the crying attacks. But that does not matter anymore.

There are so many obstacles I don´t know how to ever get passed it. The more I try the harder the obstacles. “The tall man seem to tighten that rob that it covered up my cleaned aura with”. (from that meditation/vision) I am not wanted. If it is not Rigpa that does it, it is something on the astrals. Something does not want me there, but does not leave me either. Last night I had to take one of those pills to be able to sleep. That is not a good sign.

Now, I decided not to discuss this matter any more. It is of no use. Neither will I read anything more. Maybe that is what was indicated when I heard that “let her go”. As the blog came back I might write something now and then. To get things out of my system. But nothing else. I´ll have to find other things to do, to get back “to life”.