Finally alone

It is a bit ironic, some years ago I longed so much to be alone. To be able to work with spiritual things full time. Meditating, reading, learning, attending spiritual forums and such things. But I was never able to do it, there was always a lot of things to do. Work, kids, parents, social stuff, you name it. Never ever able to do that spiritual work I longed for. Just partly, and all to often being refused to do even that. Being thrown into the wall as soon as I came to close.

Today I am finally alone. With no other obligations then paying bills and clean the house. And now I will not do that spiritual work. I have been so beaten up that there is no way that I can do any spiritual work. Earlier I always used the forest and nature to heal myself. That is not possible anymore. I am unable to "turn myself over to nature" the way I did before. Somehow I miss it. It gave the experiencing of nature a certain depth that isn´t there anymore.

I finally arrived at that point I wanted to be. But the circumstances is completely changed. So, in some way, it will be interesting to see what happens now.