The problem with ego death

It is said that ego dies when awakening occurs. Yet a part of ego remains to handle the body that still is alive. As long as the body lives, Rigpa is tied to it, limited. Not free. Somehow!

One of my issues is “eternal life”. In no way do I wish to live forever. When I die, I want to be dead and stay dead. Have said this a number of times but don´t remember if it is on the blog. It probably is, I keep repeating myself.

Anyway, if awakening means to exist forever……….that is VERY disturbing to me. All parts of me! It really is disgusting. And, so far, nobody has convinced me otherwise. They seem inable to.

There is another thing. I seem to never think of “myself” as “ME”. For now there seems to be three id:s. It and It and “ “. Translated, it is probably ego, spirit and Rigpa. O´my how will this end? What part dies? What lives? Does any of it dissappear? Can I trust that “Aurora” will forever be forgotten without any leftovers to suffer for eternity?? And if Aurora is gone, will anything be remembered in the spirit? When does the spirit-part die? Is there any end what so ever?

I DON`T WANT ETERNAL LIFE, why can´t it just end?