Aura Meditation

Aura Meditation (from a letter to S)
Yesterday I sat down to meditate before breakfast. As I am on holiday I can do that. I thought that maybee the stomach digesting kind of spoils meditation.

I tried to get out of the body into the aura. And I think I made it. But the aura was grey. Not colorful. I was scared and tried to clean it. Have I messed up that much? I had a dream also in the morning before that. "I was getting a job at my old company but I was given a job in the archive just making blueprints, not as an engineer. And I was trying to get my old job back:" I made a connection in my meditation that I might have spoiled my chances to go farther in my development.

I was searching the net for auracolors. It is obvioulsy so that it can be grey. But people did not seem to agree about the meaning of it.

This morning I meditated again before breakfast:
I was able to create te eggshaped aura again and I was trying to clean the aura. I opend the "watersystem" above my head and let the water flow. I took a brush and started to scrub the aura from top down. It was not as to scrub of dirt as I intended, but to remove a rubber-layer. It was hard. It´s like the meditation lived it´s own life, turning meditation into vision. Not controlled by me. I manage to remove the layer and saw some auracolors beneath it but they were faint. I took a step back to watch it and was quite pleased with the job. The "rubber sheet" laying around its base. And then I saw "the tall man" in the middle of the aura, his head above the aura. Slightly turned away from me. When he "faced" me I could feel a tiny smile of approval coming towards me.Then he bent down, took the layer from the aura-base and put it back on his "shoulder", like a cloak, also covering the aura. But he did not button up entierly, his "head" was still free and I could see a glimpse of the aura. And then the meditation/vision ended itself.

Time Train, altered consciousness

This is something that happened during the weeks May and June when I took care of my grandkids as my daughter was in hospital. I did not really realise it at the time, it came later, as it happend a similar thing again. During those days it was rather much to do. One day I noticed that I was sitting on a train. (not a dream some kind of vision) It was an oldfashioned train with heavy curtains in front of the windows. I noticed the rails was turning upwords like a wheel. The train “moving” on that rail, but my position was not changed. My mind or self was sitting on that train, looking out of the window and saw my body going about her business driving kids, cooking, washing and such. It was as my soul escaped into that timetrain, just sitting, following the things happening in the "real" world as the time went by. I noticed it now and then. Afterwords I realise it went on for I think at least two days. It seemed to be a way to keep the self at peace at the same time I cared for kids and work. I was still in that train compartment, the outside world moving with that “time-rail”.

If that is something that can be mastered at will it would be a splendid tool to keep serenity. Is it possible???

Tall Man dream

I came home to my appartment. It was almost empty and I saw a very tall man sending my things away. I reached him only to his waistline. He was dressen in grey. I was angry and attacked him. I get one of his fingers and I bit it, to try to make him stop sending my things away. He did not seem to be hurt or cared by my bitting so my anger stoped and I calmed down, then I looked around me, thought that it did not matter all that much.

Then he turned towards me saying: I take your things away because you should not really be here.

Rising vision

A vision coming when I sat at the kitchen table at work. It seem to be connected to that Maze-vision.

I was sitting in that white nothingness. Waiting. As I have been since that vision. Then I rise, slowly. Have you ever been 150% aware of something you have done? I could feel every musle, every movement that took me up to standing position. Rolling up, with the head rising last. And I grew a lot bigger in that procedure. You know, it was just like a movie when something rises and grows at the same time. A strange feeling.

I AM

...I AM….the beginning

...I AM… the end

...I ..A M


I was at the lake and the sunset invited me to meditation. I felt the warmth to my face and chest. The light shone bright through the eyelids shifting slightly due to the water. Then the words came to my mind, hesitating at first as having trouble coming through. Then after a few moments my mind had to prove its cleverness and the precious moment was over.

I think I am finely introduced.

Just wanted to share.

Into atoms

030909
I had forgotten about this, I got a mail from a friend:

Dear Aurora,
.
You are now in safe hands and should only learn to let
go and flow with the current. You should try not to
have any plans or objectives of your own. Surrender
everything but still feel responsible for your role in
this world. Just do your duties without any attachment
and enjoy the freedom of not wanting anything.

You are now within the gravity of the 'sun' and
whether you like it or not you will go 'zooming' right
into it.
S

And my reaction:
030909 what happend?
Dear S,
,just wonder what happend. When I opend your mail and started to read I got “pumped” up with an energyrush, I think. It is hard to explain the feeling but it was like wild water inside and around me. I did not leave my body, I know how that feels, but it was as if my body was dissolving into atoms, swirling around. It was hard to continue reading. It lasted a long time, only gradually disappearing.

With the “gravity of the sun” I guess you mean the pull from “The Universal” one or “The White light”. I won´t fight it.

Removal of Entity

In spring 2003 I met a man from UK online. He said he was alarmed when he saw my ad for friends and he wanted to help. He asked me a little and I told him some that had happened. He has a woman friend that has some gifts. He calls her a “resque medium”. He arranged a “sitting”. I had to concentrate on her name at a certain time and she worked on my name. I did get some feelings during that time she investigated me so I wrote to get some explanation. This is his response:

Hi A,
Do not be alarmed or frightened at anything that I write because I am going to explain exactly what has happened to you and how it came about in the first place. The first thing I have to say is do not meditate or do anything spiritual for the next 3 months and that is a must until the energies clear around you.
When we leave this life we pass to the next level of existence and some people do not realise that they have died and they are lost, you are a very sensitive lady and when you went into meditation your light was very bright indeed. In fact your light was bright green and that colour we associate with The Universal One and very few have that colour. A young man had died and was lost in the spirit world and when he saw your light he thought he had found God and attached himself to you, what you felt when you sat for that period of time was my friend Connie removing that young man from you and sending him into the light.
You might think that is all very strange but every word is true because I understand it all through experience the hard way. If you decide to do spiritual work at the end of the three months I have been told to tell you that you must learn to protect yourself from this ever happening again and also to read any books on psychic self defence. There are things that you must learn like opening and closing your Chakras once you understand these things I cannot see any reason why you should not do healing but I will check it out for you at the end of the 3 months if you want me to.

I hope that what I have written makes sense to you and you can understand what has happen and if you require any help on your spiritual path I am more than willing to help
Take Care
B


Hi B,
thank you for that explanation.

It is scary because during that time when I was at yogaschool I had that feeling of a "presence" I could not figure out what it was so I called it an "entity". Before it disapperaed from my awareness I had a dream of a young war-victim dieing in a box fileld with water. Just before he died I got him out of there. After that dream I could not feel that "entity" anymore and I kind of missed it. But from what you write now I think he was just hidden.

Believe me, I will follow your advice. Please send my thanks to Connie.

By for now
A

Note: looking back I see that Entity was with me for about 3 years.

Black window vision

I was in the bathtub after been to aerobics. Suddenly there was a black window in front of me. I leaned forward and put my head into it to see. It was like peeking in to some other world maybe. What I sensed was a presence, A VAST LONLINESS AND EMPTINESS. Like the universe itself without the stars. The universe is alone as I understood it. I withdraw my head and it was over.

Is this where we are heading? If so, why would we like to do that? There were no warmth about it as I expected it to be and it had nothing to do with "love" in any form. It was not even NOTHINGNESS.This lasted for maybe 30 seconds.

Waiting Father

Dreamt again. Nowadays I dream a lot. Never did that before. This time it made me thoughtful.

Here it is:
“It was late evening/night and dark. I was at some meeting and my father was supposed to drive me home. He is old and fragile nowadays. But he had to drive me. I told him to wait on a sofa, there were something I had to do before leaving. I concentrated of doing whatever I had to do and forgot about the waiting father. When I was almost finished I suddenly remembered and hurried for the sofa. He was still waiting. He said that he could not go home before I could go with him. HE HAD TO BRING ME HOME. “

Rotten stump

I am frustrated. More then I have been for a long time. What bother me most is that I am so completely out of control. I can do nothing. I cant meditate, I can´t stop the process. I can´t slow it down and I can´t speed it up and get it over and done with. I can do nothing. I feel so helpless.

I don´t feel alone because I have always been “alone” and are used to that. But I am getting empty. Last friday, midsummer eve, I took a walk in the forest. It was a rainy day and I was supposed to have dinner with my sister later on. As soon as I got into the forest my hands get heated up. But this time energy was drawn away from me. At first I did not care. Thought of your letter and accepted it. But then I it was getting to much and there was nothing coming in to replace it. To make the story short I have to say that for the first time I took to violence. I saw a rotten stump and I kicked it into a milion pieces. Then I took my umbrella and hit it as hard as I could to a trunk. The umbrella was broken and I started to cry hysterically. I ended up with a headache. I hated them. I wanted to build the walls again. It was terrible.

I pulled myself together and got home. Put some good music on and made the dinner.

Out of the Maze

Dear S,
Something happened today that I just have to tell you about.

I had just started my workout to strengthen my back and neck. Then I had a vision. It lasted only for a brief moment. But I think it is very important. If this showed the thruth than I am so relieved.

“I found myself sitting on my heels. The world around me was just shades of white. There were nothing to see as it was empty. The ground became sky without any noticeable line or horizon. A naked tree stood to the right beside a path leading nowhere. I stood up and turned around. Behind my back I saw a wall or a house. It had no openings and no structures on it. I immediately knew what it was. It was the maze that had hold me prisonor for so many years. I turn around again and looked around hesitating about what to do. There seemed to be no reason to leave the place as there was no place to go. No path to take. So I just sat down again waiting for something to happen. “

I think I have told you about the maze. How I have had the feeling of being in one. Always trying to find a way out of it. And everytime I thought I succeded I found a new wall in front of me. Imprisoned again. And now, for the fist time ever. I was outside the maze. Is it not wonderful?? So maybe you were right, looks like something happens to me after all.

Last summer when I was so trubbled I was angry and feeling like an obstinat teenager. I said to myself, I will never do anything again to try to get out of this maze or to be enlightened. I will sit in a corner, doing nothing, till I rotten. And in a way, that’s what I have been doing ever since then. AND NOW I AM OUT.

I wonder what will happen next. Who will take my hand and show me around in this new world??

I have a question for you. Do you ever sense my feelings when you open my mails? I do sometimes get feelings when I read peoples letters. Especially the first time I read the letter I can sometimes sense strong feelings.

Well, tonight I feel good. I hope you do to.
Yours A

Reiki

During the autumn I started to get a lot of energy in my hands. I did not need gloves when it was cold because of it. I told my friend about it. He adviced me to go and learn healing in order to harnest the energy. I started to investigate the possibilities quite happy to might be able to help. This evening I was searching the Internet for classes in my area. After a while I suddenly got a “hit in my head”, like lightening striking from the right hand side and the words DON`T DO THIS!!! Really harsh screaming at me.

I was terrified. I thought it was a good thing to do and then I was “thrown into a wall as if I had been a small child doing forbidden things”. I cried.

It took another year before I started to investigate that matter again. I think the energy is rather strong. I started to try healing around X-mas time. Continuing for three months, I did it for my daughter and my father. But when both of them ended up in hospital I stoped. I had read a book on Reiki where they recommended a test. You should take a tomatoe, divide it in two and put them in two covered jars. Then one of them should receive Reiki twice a day. After two months both of them had dark dots on them and looked about the same. The difference was that the one that had recieved Reiki was a little mouldy and had less dark dots. Not much difference.

Meditation on people

Heartchakra, Meditation on people
On the net I found a wise man in India, in this blog I´ll call him S. After a few mails
S suggested that my heartchakra was closed and gave me instructions on how to deal with it. I was told to go into meditation, then I should meditate on people I loved and people I disliked. I was supposed to change the feelings towards the disliked ones. To make it easier he recommended to start with the easy ones. Those you love.

I started out on april 23. I decided to start to meditate on my granddaughter as she was my oldest, 6 yrs. After a while she was in front of me. But then a hand gentley pushed her aside and my firstborn grandchild came in. He died at an age of 7 weeks. He sent me a mental message that he was the firstborn that I loved, he should be the first one. How true. He was soo welcome.

Next day I started the meditation and the third of my grandchildren wanted to be added to the crowd. After a while a fourth person came in, uninvited. Who it was? It was ME! Do I need to love and forgive myself??? Does not seem as I have to ad people. They comes by themself!

Well, after going through a lot of loved and liked ones I started with the “bad guys”. Grandpa first out. (See post 2006-06-25) I was greatly surprised when he appeared. First he was not alone and there was a table where he sat down. With my grandma behind him, as a guard!!! He was not allowed to see me alone. It was like one of those Jailsettings in a movie.

Well, continued with some other people. One a day as I meditated once a day at the time. The whole process took about 4 or 5 weeks.

A good one. (My grandson and my grandparents was dead, all others living)

Sidenote:
Two years later I told my granddaughter this story. She loved it. They often talk of this older brother and now she feels that she actually met him.

How it started "Am I tricked" 2000-03-12

A piece of history from March 2000:

Last year I joined a yogaclass. I have been practising yoga and meditation before, some years ago, but stopped because of limited time. Now I was out of job so I started again. It is easy for me to relax so several times I got down deeper than the others and had trouble getting out of meditation when class finished. Once I was feeling "drunk" for 30 minutes afterwords. Not funny to go home then in the middle of the night. The teacher had no idéa of why, according to him I should be able to "go out" whenever I wanted. So I had to stop class.

During the summer I was urged to meditate. It increased both in times and length. At the end of summer I got a job and again limited time. I was at that time doing Yoga Nidra and meditation every day. I had that feeling that I was led by something. I called it Entity. It guided me. Entity gave me the idéa that it was building or preparing my brain for something to come. Sometimes we had arguments about what to do. It was draining me to much so I had to tell it to replace some of that energy in the end of maditation. (I keep this spelling, for some reason I often write maditation). After that it was better, but not good. Well I stoped yoga and yoga Nidra and continued during the fall only with meditation.

Now, since X-mas, I had some strange dreams about parts of me dying. During meditation different things happend. At first there was nice things or visions, then at the end, bad things. The last thing was two hands coming out of nowhere, grabbed my brain and ripped it apart. I fell down crying and sobbing for a long time. It was 3 weeks ago and I am still affected by it.

I started class again in februari and I talked to the teacher. HE SAYS THAT WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING HAS NOTHING TO WITH MEDITATION AND SPIRITUAL GROWT. And he also says that I should be able to stop a meditation session at any time. But it doesn´t work that way. As I experience it it is like a process. It stops by itself when the process is finished. If stoped by force I don´t feel good or rather I feel worse than usual.

If he is right, then why is this happening? And why am I doing this? He says you can decide yourself what to do. But that is not true. This has nothing to with what one wants. It would be much easier for me to buy Ginseng to feel good and strong. Instead I am sitting here writing to find answers. It won´t let go.

If I am tricked, then I have to stop this, no matter what the cost will be.

Brainsplit

The END
Yesterday night I got an answer from Yogaville. One of the teachers wrote me a letter instead of the swami. I was glad and took it as a kind of positive reaction to my stopping meditation. She wrote a little story of a girl waiting for her father. (He made her a puzzle from a newspaper teared apart. She was clever and turned the pieces upsidedown to finish because on the backside was a picture af a human face.) She also explained the "snapping" in my head as "adjustments" to meditation.
I took this little store as a sign that I might find an easier way than the complicated way of mentalism, so that might be the way for me.

With a little hesitation I sat down this morning to meditate. It started OK, I seemed to be "going somewere", this computerstorage was gone. But suddenly there were two hands grabbing my brain and ripped it apart. I fell out, all crying, and felt a strong urge to go and commit suicide. I was crying. This was surely not what I had expected. If this is the benefit of meditation, I will NEVER sit down again. This was the END of that. If all they can do is to fool you and make you feel miserable then I better do without it. It is now 3 h since it happend and I still feel the need of committing suicide, but that will have to wait, there are things I have to do first. My watch told me it took only 22 minutes for this catastrophe to take place.

I think I might put this on the net to warn others. So far I have not find anything that makes it worth it.
I will have to write this teacher to thank her for her time, but how do I tell her what happend???

Another day 2000-02-18 diary notes

From diary 2000-02-18

So, another day.
Today was a bad day. Started with meditaiton this morning. It was rather short. Stoped after 38 minutes. But I suppose that was because I went mad.
Started as usual. But after a while it started to mix up with computers again. As I was trying to stop the thoughts in the "room" where I use to, I suddenly felt that I was trying to "open a programfile" but I could not find the program that was connected to it. Just like when you get an attachment with a mail and you don´t know with what program to open it. It was like the meditation I use to do was stored in the same way a computerfile is saved. And that the program needed some work before the program could be opened and running properly.
I went out of meditation and went mad like hell. So now I will not meditate for a while. If it is going to be like this I guess that I might be concidered mad. Could it really be that the mind and computers are working in the same way??? That the processes are analogical? Is that what they want me to bring to the world? Hard to belive. I need prof. And good prof.

.**************************************************************************************
What the hell is it all about? If sombody need me to do some work for them, they can at least tell me what it is all about. I don´t like to be pushed around in ways that seems quit suspect. I desided not to meditate again before I have get some proper answer. That will not be easy, I know that. We had fights before and after a few days I am back in the trap. Well, trap, but it is how it feels right now. But now it is going to far. I must know what is going on! I can´t work if I don´t know the waw and what they want from me. This girl Elli thought that they might have been trying to heal me, but now I don´t know. With all this strange thoughts in my head. I was so mad that I sent a mail to Robert Larsson and Tomas and said that I will not go to The States this summer. I can´t anyway. This mentalism is TO much contradiction for my taste.

.********************************************************************************************
Now there will also be a problem next wednesday if this matter is not solved until then. What to do with the Yoga class? I will have to leave before Yoga Nidra.
Why am I writing??? Well, thoughts does not stop until I have written this down.
Damn!!!!!!! K

Meditation and double crown

Right now I seem to want to write to 2 different persons. To Swami Asokananda Yogaville in the states and to Swami Janakananda in Håå. That will make it 2 different outlooks. (If I´m not wrong Janakananda seems to dislike mr Brunton but likes Milarepa.)

This session lasted for 69 minutes. I was working a little on the chackras in the beginning. But instead of the lotus on the head I put the eaglehead there. That does not really make any difference but I like the picture on the card that I bought. An old Indian with an eagleface on his head. Also I read about the eagle and snake symbols yesterday in an article written by Swami Janakananda. From the Internet ”Spiritweb”. It is nothing new about it but I think it guided my thoughts a little. I also started to read the chapter about relativity in Mr Bruntons book. After reading those pages I really whish that he had lived to see this milleniumshift. All the globe worked together in harmoni.

Well, back to the meditation. In my letter to Swami Asokananda. I asked what happens with the body and intellekt if the mind develops far beyond. I think I have the answer now. You don´t have to leave them. Matter, thought and mind is all but a different kind of energy. The question of development is to get in sync with the universe. That makes it possible to work with them all at the same time. I think this is what the ancient yogi Milarepa did. He turned the whole of his beeing into controled energy. That´s why his body could just vanish when he died. It was no longer flesh.

I don´t have all this lights that everybody seem to have. I only exprienced it a few times. I don´t think I need it. I also don´t have this calm feelings or happiness, but I do have the urge for development. What I experience is darkness, but not emptiness. Sometimes I feel like the hole body is starting to vibrate. Especially the head and the hands. The hands sometimes get so stiff and sticking that it aces. There is also something like sounds but it is not a sound. Hard to explain.

Janakananda wrote about the Doublecrown of Egypt. He made an error. Egypt was TWO countrys, thats why the two crowns. When they joined they merged the two into one. For my own there is another way of seeing this. A few years ago when I was very unhappy, I visited Egypt. Then an idéa came to me. I bought a piece of silver. It show the figure of the eye and the snake with the doublecrown. I thought it somehow symbolised me. One of the crowns was my body with its desires, the other was my mind/intellekt with its desires. Seperate, yet unseperable. The Snake was the supervisor. Also linked to the two crowns and unseperable from them, overlooking what the others was argueing and fighting about, shaking its head but unable to do anything about it. I still have to solve this riddle. How to unite them into one? Or maybe they already are, I just don´t see it. The other day I was thinking: The Universe want´s me, I want the Universe. Who wants who? If everything is pure energy, is there really a difference? Is it relevant to make a definition when I am a part of the universe?

Looks like the meditation gave a lot more than I thought.

Floating

020607
About 3 years ago I had an experience during meditation. The awareness was peaked into a single point, then I was drawn through a rift into another space. There I was floating in some liquid that was very nice, lukewarm and with some yellowish color. It was very pleasant and peaceful but lasted just a few moments.

Blacksmith

I was in Momabasa, Kenya on vacation. This day I made a tour on my own to Ngomongo A place where they had some prototype “villages” for turists to learn about different Kenya cultures.

I got a guide that followed me around and told me about each site as the people in them did not speak english. One village was inhabited by a blacksmith. As we arrived he was engaged with somebody else. My guide started and let me taste pieces of coconut. Then the blacksmith looked my way and I ws caught in those big black eyes. My guide thought it was cool somehow and said something to the blacksmith. Then turned to me saying “he likes you”. I said: “I know”. We were healsitting. The blacksmith reach for the bowl with coconutpieces. My guide started to say I had already tasted, but I, still locked in those eyes, waved at him and said, “no, let him”.

I felt like I was drawn back thousend of years. I became the woman that was treated food as a wedding-gift. The enchantment finally ended and then he showed me a musical instrument and how to keep the fire going.

He missed a tooth, but I remember that I thought that it can be fixed. This guy, black as soot, made me jazz like a young horse. When we left the site I walked backwords and my guide got a good laugh.

phew! I have a photo of him.

Lage

He came in to the office in april 1996. Should be there 3 months for an exam-project as a designer but stayed much longer. During that time he screwed up my life completely.

I was 51 at the time, he was about 28, could have been my son. One day he looked into my eyes and I got locked in it. I freaked out. What the hell……This can´t be happening. Then he searched my eyes always. As he entered the room his eyes directly at me. I started to avoid looking at the door when it opened. He got frustrated. One afternoon he sat at the PC. I noted he worked with a new CAD-program so I sat down and we talked a little. Suddenly I noted some kind of thick forcefield being created around us. He started to move uncomfortably and then rised and left. I did as well, very confused.

Some weeks later, a saturday, we were working again. We were standing towards each other and then the forcefield started to grow again. He reacted like he was hit, turned around and left without saying anything.

We had a lot of trouble with communication. We had to work together. He was that kind of man that needs all woman to adore him. He always searched my eyes. Making me go highwired. We tried to talk, we tried to write. There was no way we could solve this problem. I tried to avoid him. He always tried to make me a “friend”. For short periods of time it worked. And it was lovely, but then something happened that made it freak out.

I did not have to see him enter the room to know he was there. I felt his presence everywhere. I always looked down when I felt him coming. One morning I felt him stop inside the door, watching me. When I did not look up I could feel and see with my inner eye how a thick brown field came towards me from him. I estimate its size to 1m long and 1dm high. It´s color was brown. It was his dissappointment that was coming towards me, forming this “chockolate bar” shaped energy.

When I was younger I had created this stonecastle wall around me to protect me against men. That was due to my grandpas abuse and due to another man at work that was troubling me for many years. Now Lage was tearing it down with his persistence. Making me even more vulnerable.

I had some additional trouble with work too, and in the beginning of July 1997 I broke down compleately. Made a suicide attempt. Was back to work after a week. Got no help. But some weeks later somebody else helped me get a new job.

It continued for a while afterwords. He told me that he never ment that he “loved” me. He only wanted me as a friend. Strange way of doing that.

Well, for some reason I think we got into this mess because we had a relation in some earlier lifetime. It seem to be the only explanation. Especially when I think fo the strange energies we were surrounded with.

Maybe this is the time to finish it. To throw away old notes and memories. Let it go.
Aurora 2006-07-11