……..I can as well continue on the other subject.
In one of the science mags I read there was a whole lot of articles about the "human.2". meaning that humans.1 is out of date and what will version 2 become?
A lot of question arises. Will we become cyborgs? That seem to be the most likely outcome. Or will we be prefect individuals created in a test tube. By genetheraphy or cloning?
What does that mean to the soul? If there are something like the soul? If there are an evolment chain working through karma and rebirth, how will it be effected by a human created "perfect" individual? In the early stages of the embryo they are able to change genes for sicknesses, keep the genes for blue eyes and delete the brown colors. Choose whether it shall be a foy or girl. They can make us intelligent by either genetheraphy or adding a computerchip to the brain. Artificial eyes and ears and hands.
What does all this mean to spiritual evolvment? How does it affect what is "me". If, for once, I consider it a good thing. Has the universe accounted for all "happy people" created to live a good life without sicknesses or unhappyness? Living for hundreds of years as if they were only 30 years of age.
I just wonder………………….. as to me it seems that, up to now at least, the means of spiritual evolvment is due to how unhappy and pissed you are. So, how will it work in the future when we deside. Can we deside how our sense of "me" shall be? Can we create what "I am" is to be? Cheat evolution?
2008-08-12
Orange peeler
Last week I got the usual advertisment letters from one of our bookclubs. It is always large letters and beside the ad paperwork they always put in some stuff. It has been a lot of pencils, rubbers, a tiny plate, red plastic hearts and a lot of other stuff. This time they got me. All of which it forces you to open the envelope as you cant throw it in the paper recycling box. An orange object a bit curved with an hook or something in the middle. It alluded my fantasy completely. No matter how I tried. Asked my dad to. We came out empty. Sooooo, found an emailadress to the company and asked the support department. It was an orangepeeler!!!!! What the h-l has an orangepeeler to do with books?
Somehow this reminds of this spiritual stuff. The other side persists in sending those never understood "gifts". What for? Just to make us first, feel choosen and important, then frustrated as you never understand what the h-l it is all about. Are they doing it on purpose? Yea, I say "it" as that is the reality I live in. No matter how much there are only one universe. The Universe has no emailadress or supportdepartment to turn to. Just worthless "guides".
As you, the reader that still visits this blog, can see, it never leaves you. No matter what! I find no wisdom in this. At least, for now, it keeps a low profile.
Somehow this reminds of this spiritual stuff. The other side persists in sending those never understood "gifts". What for? Just to make us first, feel choosen and important, then frustrated as you never understand what the h-l it is all about. Are they doing it on purpose? Yea, I say "it" as that is the reality I live in. No matter how much there are only one universe. The Universe has no emailadress or supportdepartment to turn to. Just worthless "guides".
As you, the reader that still visits this blog, can see, it never leaves you. No matter what! I find no wisdom in this. At least, for now, it keeps a low profile.
2008-08-05
O, dear!
Bath-tub-thoughts! That dream! It seems like, as soon as I recognize the dreams pattern I take control, the dream becomes vivid. I did not miss the train this time, I left it. And…somebody followed me out. That person was the one picking up phones to start retrieving my possessions because I did not really care. In the tub, where thoughts usually runs free I recognised that individual as the "guide" or whatever it/he was, was the same as visited me a number of times in dreams and meditations some years ago. The one that put the dirtcover back on me. It has been gone for about two years now so did not recognise it at once. This time I did not miss the train, I left it, and was brought back on the track, if not the train. Earlier it stoped me, now it pushes me onward. Don´t they know what they want?
What does that mean? Is that one back to keep me going. Well, now when I know I can act accordingly. Bet they put me in an airplane next time. That has not happened yet. Pretty hard to leave it then, right? I´ll take a parashute. lol
What does that mean? Is that one back to keep me going. Well, now when I know I can act accordingly. Bet they put me in an airplane next time. That has not happened yet. Pretty hard to leave it then, right? I´ll take a parashute. lol
Again
not surprisingly I, again, had a traindream and did not reach the destination. lol It is almost fun.
This time I was on the train to go to a town for some education I think. Every time the train had stoped I had walked out to look at the surroundings. Close to the destination it stoped again. I walked out and so did another passenger, a male. We talked and walked a bit along a rockwall. Then turned and remembered that the train would probably leave soon. Walked a bit faster, but, of course, the train started as soon as we spotted it. There we were, train leaving station. We did not even get upset. It was somehow expected. We got to the station and could borrow a thelephone so we could phone whoever was in charge to be able to retrive our possessions and get to the destination. Inside I was bubbling with laughter.Thinking to myself, when is this "not reaching the destination" going to end?
If anybody wonder why I write down all those dreams, it is because those are the only dreams that I remember. Normally I never remember dreams.
This time I was on the train to go to a town for some education I think. Every time the train had stoped I had walked out to look at the surroundings. Close to the destination it stoped again. I walked out and so did another passenger, a male. We talked and walked a bit along a rockwall. Then turned and remembered that the train would probably leave soon. Walked a bit faster, but, of course, the train started as soon as we spotted it. There we were, train leaving station. We did not even get upset. It was somehow expected. We got to the station and could borrow a thelephone so we could phone whoever was in charge to be able to retrive our possessions and get to the destination. Inside I was bubbling with laughter.Thinking to myself, when is this "not reaching the destination" going to end?
If anybody wonder why I write down all those dreams, it is because those are the only dreams that I remember. Normally I never remember dreams.
2008-08-04
It begins
O, my poor soul. How it longs, and my hands wants to type to spirit sites. But it does not matter, I will not go there. I will not start that all over again. It has not proven anything to me. I still see only smashes coming. I am not going back no matter how much the soul wants it.
The fight is on……….Get out of my system!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The fight is on……….Get out of my system!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2008-08-01
Feeling others
In my life I have always been sensitive to others. What they feel, how they express things. Even if I had not the same experience I was able to understand their emotions about things.
Lately that has changed somehow. Today I can walk in the shop, seeing a mother and a child. And for a brief moment I AM that mother or the child. I see situations and I am instantly one of the persons. Just for a moment. It´s kind of weird. It even works on birds. I not only notice its behavior, I AM it for a moment.
Strange!
Lately that has changed somehow. Today I can walk in the shop, seeing a mother and a child. And for a brief moment I AM that mother or the child. I see situations and I am instantly one of the persons. Just for a moment. It´s kind of weird. It even works on birds. I not only notice its behavior, I AM it for a moment.
Strange!
2008-07-29
Here we go again! Traindream! What else was expected?
It does not give up? Does it.?
This time I will just give a short version of the dream.
I was in the trainstation serching for the departure of a train. I was supposed to go to some sort of celebration for me. At first there was somebody accompany me, but that person disapperd. (chip?) Then I needed to go to a restroom but found only a mens one. So went in there. Met somebody I talked to. When going out I noticed my glasses was gone. And now the time was short for departure. Searched for a moment but decided I had to run for the train. Did so. But, of course, the train left when I had but 2 m left. Stood there, thinking I could take the next one, turned to go back for the glasses. I never went back as I was aware of the nature of the dream. I had recognised it.
How many of these have I dreamt? And why? I does not make sense. Here is a complaint I am not doing the shitten work, loosing my lifes goal. BUT EVERY TIME I TRIED TO GO THERE I GOT STOPPED. SMASHED, HIT, LEFT ON THE FLOOR CRYING. I HAD MY BRAIN SPLIT, BEEN CRYING OCEANS OF TEARS. WHEN I CLEANED THE AURA… THE DIRTCOVER WAS PUT BACK ON ME. WHEN I WANTED TO LEARN HEALING I WAS HIT BY LIGHTNING, TOLD NOT TO GO THERE. WHEN TRYING TO GO THROUGH THE VAIL IN MEDITATION, THE FIRE WAS PUT DOWN, ENDED, KILLED! I WAS THROWN OUT. And yet, it has the nerve to tell me I failed.
WHAT THE HELL DOES IT WANT FROM ME? I CERTAINLY CANT BOTH GO THERE AND NOT, SIMULTANEOUSLY. AND NOW I HAVE NO WHISH TO GO, IT HAS NOT EARNED MY TRUST. I AM NOT GOING TO BE SMASHED ONCE AGAIN. NEVER AGAIN WILL I GO THERE!
Get the hell out of my system! Don´t give me any more of those shitten dreams!
This time I will just give a short version of the dream.
I was in the trainstation serching for the departure of a train. I was supposed to go to some sort of celebration for me. At first there was somebody accompany me, but that person disapperd. (chip?) Then I needed to go to a restroom but found only a mens one. So went in there. Met somebody I talked to. When going out I noticed my glasses was gone. And now the time was short for departure. Searched for a moment but decided I had to run for the train. Did so. But, of course, the train left when I had but 2 m left. Stood there, thinking I could take the next one, turned to go back for the glasses. I never went back as I was aware of the nature of the dream. I had recognised it.
How many of these have I dreamt? And why? I does not make sense. Here is a complaint I am not doing the shitten work, loosing my lifes goal. BUT EVERY TIME I TRIED TO GO THERE I GOT STOPPED. SMASHED, HIT, LEFT ON THE FLOOR CRYING. I HAD MY BRAIN SPLIT, BEEN CRYING OCEANS OF TEARS. WHEN I CLEANED THE AURA… THE DIRTCOVER WAS PUT BACK ON ME. WHEN I WANTED TO LEARN HEALING I WAS HIT BY LIGHTNING, TOLD NOT TO GO THERE. WHEN TRYING TO GO THROUGH THE VAIL IN MEDITATION, THE FIRE WAS PUT DOWN, ENDED, KILLED! I WAS THROWN OUT. And yet, it has the nerve to tell me I failed.
WHAT THE HELL DOES IT WANT FROM ME? I CERTAINLY CANT BOTH GO THERE AND NOT, SIMULTANEOUSLY. AND NOW I HAVE NO WHISH TO GO, IT HAS NOT EARNED MY TRUST. I AM NOT GOING TO BE SMASHED ONCE AGAIN. NEVER AGAIN WILL I GO THERE!
Get the hell out of my system! Don´t give me any more of those shitten dreams!
2008-07-17
So stupid it makes me angry
This morning I dreamed again. But this time it took me several hours before I realized what it was all about. A coment to my last posting.
I dreamt that my mother, who past away last october, came to the house. She looked very dead. But she was a teacher now, obviously. Then my dad, still alive, was joining her. They made a lot of fuss to be certain I understood that they were going to another town to teach somebody else. They really made it clear that they were leaving to do that.
End of dream.
So, this time it was no missing any trains or cargoships. This time the teacher was going elswhere. Really……..going.
The dream so stupid it makes me sick to my stomach. Where the hell is the wisdom? If this is "guiding" it is sooo bad it makes me ashamed. It behaves like an imature teenager. Pisses me off. Is there no remedy that can poisen this so I get rid of it?
I dreamt that my mother, who past away last october, came to the house. She looked very dead. But she was a teacher now, obviously. Then my dad, still alive, was joining her. They made a lot of fuss to be certain I understood that they were going to another town to teach somebody else. They really made it clear that they were leaving to do that.
End of dream.
So, this time it was no missing any trains or cargoships. This time the teacher was going elswhere. Really……..going.
The dream so stupid it makes me sick to my stomach. Where the hell is the wisdom? If this is "guiding" it is sooo bad it makes me ashamed. It behaves like an imature teenager. Pisses me off. Is there no remedy that can poisen this so I get rid of it?
2008-07-14
Mist
When I come in here nowadays, I find it strange. Was all this real? It was what my life circled around for 10-12 years. Something like that. Now it seems like a dream, a bad dream, far away, covered in mist. It´s hard to understand it was real. The urges, the longing, the duality. I never understood it.
Most of the time it was nothing but pain and suffering. I have to admit though that there was some good friends to light it up. Well, if they was friends, or if I was? Makes no difference, it is all gone now. Don´t think there will be much more to analyse. That world, that bad dream, is fading away like in the movies. Life comes back.
What I learned, if I learned, went away faster then it came. Left me empty. In the mist.
Maybe it is time to close this site?
Kids, kayaking, butterflies…………….that´s life!
Most of the time it was nothing but pain and suffering. I have to admit though that there was some good friends to light it up. Well, if they was friends, or if I was? Makes no difference, it is all gone now. Don´t think there will be much more to analyse. That world, that bad dream, is fading away like in the movies. Life comes back.
What I learned, if I learned, went away faster then it came. Left me empty. In the mist.
Maybe it is time to close this site?
Kids, kayaking, butterflies…………….that´s life!
2008-07-11
2008-07-09
Responsibility?
Have been reading a mag about the mind and brain. (Scientific American Mind).
One really wonders, can a person ever hold responsibility for what is wired in the their brains? I mean, everything seem to depend on how the brain is built. Everything from happiness to becoming a murder and abuser. Cancer as well as sleep patterns, your sexual desires as well as your taste of food. There is literally nothing that can be said to be "your own choice". It is all dictated by the brain.
Makes me wonder about Karma. Is it the law of karma that wires our brains? Sending us into one disaster after another? Maybe people needed an explanation for how we work and did not know what caused it. So "the law of karma" was invented. If Karma really exists………who is responsible for wiring our brains? Who is so great it can deal with us as it chooses? And mostly treat us like shit? WHO has the RIGHT to do it? I am not sure I like to hear the answer.
In an article I have read about religious experiences. That too is wired in the brain as it seems. Surely visions and altered states of mind depends of conditions of the brain.
So, I am not responsible for anything. Not even what I choose to eat. Or whom I love. If I do love at all.
: (
One really wonders, can a person ever hold responsibility for what is wired in the their brains? I mean, everything seem to depend on how the brain is built. Everything from happiness to becoming a murder and abuser. Cancer as well as sleep patterns, your sexual desires as well as your taste of food. There is literally nothing that can be said to be "your own choice". It is all dictated by the brain.
Makes me wonder about Karma. Is it the law of karma that wires our brains? Sending us into one disaster after another? Maybe people needed an explanation for how we work and did not know what caused it. So "the law of karma" was invented. If Karma really exists………who is responsible for wiring our brains? Who is so great it can deal with us as it chooses? And mostly treat us like shit? WHO has the RIGHT to do it? I am not sure I like to hear the answer.
In an article I have read about religious experiences. That too is wired in the brain as it seems. Surely visions and altered states of mind depends of conditions of the brain.
So, I am not responsible for anything. Not even what I choose to eat. Or whom I love. If I do love at all.
: (
2008-07-06
2008-06-28
Suffering
The way i see it, the only reason for suffering is ………progress.
Without suffering and dispair there would be stagnation. And life don´t like that.
So, problem is: awakened people say there is “nothing” and “nothing happens” ….ever!….how is that possible? If that is true, there would be no suffering and no dispair. And nobody to feel any of it.
PERIOD!
Without suffering and dispair there would be stagnation. And life don´t like that.
So, problem is: awakened people say there is “nothing” and “nothing happens” ….ever!….how is that possible? If that is true, there would be no suffering and no dispair. And nobody to feel any of it.
PERIOD!
2008-06-25
Here we go again.
Started again this morning. Had to take some pills again. It is soon time to get a new prescription if this continous the pesent pattern.
It is like having a bad boyfriend. Somebody that don´t love you but has to show its power over you. Stalking you! Never leave you. Promises good things but the only thing you get is pain and suffering.
I hate it.
Sometimes I wonder if it is my brain malfunctioning. But I don´t think so because this never happens around people. Only when I am alone. And when I visited a doc he did not think I was mad.
When will it end, when will I go into oblivion? Whish my dad could pass so I am free to do the same. Forest, lakes, butterflies and wild strawberries or family does not help anymore. Deathwish is strong. Probably the only way to cheat it, to escape.
It is like having a bad boyfriend. Somebody that don´t love you but has to show its power over you. Stalking you! Never leave you. Promises good things but the only thing you get is pain and suffering.
I hate it.
Sometimes I wonder if it is my brain malfunctioning. But I don´t think so because this never happens around people. Only when I am alone. And when I visited a doc he did not think I was mad.
When will it end, when will I go into oblivion? Whish my dad could pass so I am free to do the same. Forest, lakes, butterflies and wild strawberries or family does not help anymore. Deathwish is strong. Probably the only way to cheat it, to escape.
2008-06-22
Again
This morning it started again. Those convulsive feelings that cames before the crying attacks. Took some calming pills to prevent it to proceed.
I hate this, I can´t even enjoy life because of it. It´s always below the surface. Wanting, demanding. Waiting for a chance to act. …when my guard is low………just to hit me again! L
How I hate it! The only thing I want is to die, not leaving any trace behind, never live on other planes. “Higher” they call them. What a joke, I don´t WANT to live forever in some shitten eternity. I don´t care how it is. Is it too much to ask……..just to dissappear……never to be aware again.
I HATE THIS!
And………again…………it´s raining tears……..does not matter, am not starting all over again. Will take more pills.
I hate this, I can´t even enjoy life because of it. It´s always below the surface. Wanting, demanding. Waiting for a chance to act. …when my guard is low………just to hit me again! L
How I hate it! The only thing I want is to die, not leaving any trace behind, never live on other planes. “Higher” they call them. What a joke, I don´t WANT to live forever in some shitten eternity. I don´t care how it is. Is it too much to ask……..just to dissappear……never to be aware again.
I HATE THIS!
And………again…………it´s raining tears……..does not matter, am not starting all over again. Will take more pills.
2008-06-16
Abusive bitch!
If, as they say, nothing matters and nothing exists, THEN no agony should be needed. The damned universe should not hold everybody in pain. It is not needed.
The sh-n universe is an abusive bitch. And it still don´t get it, I don´t want to become what it seems to be. It is still sneeking around to try to lure me to start all over again. Just to smash my head once again. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I am not doing it. Get the h-l out of my system!
The past days I´ve been watching news again. Have avoided it for a couple of years. Really, awakened people thinks it is all ok, no good, no bad. All is fine! What a joke. If it does not matter, why all evil?
Something is very wrong about this stuff.
The sh-n universe is an abusive bitch. And it still don´t get it, I don´t want to become what it seems to be. It is still sneeking around to try to lure me to start all over again. Just to smash my head once again. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I am not doing it. Get the h-l out of my system!
The past days I´ve been watching news again. Have avoided it for a couple of years. Really, awakened people thinks it is all ok, no good, no bad. All is fine! What a joke. If it does not matter, why all evil?
Something is very wrong about this stuff.
2008-06-12
The “Ride” again
Several years ago when I looked after my grandkids I had an experience I called the Timetrain.
Since then, when I shall do things I don´t normally do, I end up in that “Timetrain”. I find myself, as now, sitting there just watching what happens. The body moves around and the spirit sits watching. That lasts until I am back home again. Well, really, it happens more and more often even when I do daily things.
Pleasant ride! Today my granddaughter fininish primary school and she wanted a visit to celebrate.
Since then, when I shall do things I don´t normally do, I end up in that “Timetrain”. I find myself, as now, sitting there just watching what happens. The body moves around and the spirit sits watching. That lasts until I am back home again. Well, really, it happens more and more often even when I do daily things.
Pleasant ride! Today my granddaughter fininish primary school and she wanted a visit to celebrate.
The “Ride” again
Several years ago when I looked after my grandkids I had an experience I called the Timetrain.
Since then, when I shall do things I don´t normally do, I end up in that “Timetrain”. I find myself, as now, sitting there just watching what happens. The body moves around and the spirit sits watching. That lasts until I am back home again. Well, really, it happens more and more often even when I do daily things.
Pleasant ride! Today my granddaughter fininish primary school and she wanted a visit to celebrate.
Since then, when I shall do things I don´t normally do, I end up in that “Timetrain”. I find myself, as now, sitting there just watching what happens. The body moves around and the spirit sits watching. That lasts until I am back home again. Well, really, it happens more and more often even when I do daily things.
Pleasant ride! Today my granddaughter fininish primary school and she wanted a visit to celebrate.
2008-06-09
2008-06-01
………..same old
Have been trying to read books again. Usual books about people. Not spiritual ones. It does not interest me anymore. People does not bother me anymore. Chip said it is a beautiful world. I wonder what kind of eyes she ses with? To me it is just “same old, same old” everything I see and hear and read………. been there before. Feelings, idéas, adventure……….been there, old stuff. Why do I recognise everything? And nobody recognises me.
It starts pulling again, for what purpose? There is nothing for me to read and nobody for me to talk to. Vacuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
It starts pulling again, for what purpose? There is nothing for me to read and nobody for me to talk to. Vacuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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