Lage

He came in to the office in april 1996. Should be there 3 months for an exam-project as a designer but stayed much longer. During that time he screwed up my life completely.

I was 51 at the time, he was about 28, could have been my son. One day he looked into my eyes and I got locked in it. I freaked out. What the hell……This can´t be happening. Then he searched my eyes always. As he entered the room his eyes directly at me. I started to avoid looking at the door when it opened. He got frustrated. One afternoon he sat at the PC. I noted he worked with a new CAD-program so I sat down and we talked a little. Suddenly I noted some kind of thick forcefield being created around us. He started to move uncomfortably and then rised and left. I did as well, very confused.

Some weeks later, a saturday, we were working again. We were standing towards each other and then the forcefield started to grow again. He reacted like he was hit, turned around and left without saying anything.

We had a lot of trouble with communication. We had to work together. He was that kind of man that needs all woman to adore him. He always searched my eyes. Making me go highwired. We tried to talk, we tried to write. There was no way we could solve this problem. I tried to avoid him. He always tried to make me a “friend”. For short periods of time it worked. And it was lovely, but then something happened that made it freak out.

I did not have to see him enter the room to know he was there. I felt his presence everywhere. I always looked down when I felt him coming. One morning I felt him stop inside the door, watching me. When I did not look up I could feel and see with my inner eye how a thick brown field came towards me from him. I estimate its size to 1m long and 1dm high. It´s color was brown. It was his dissappointment that was coming towards me, forming this “chockolate bar” shaped energy.

When I was younger I had created this stonecastle wall around me to protect me against men. That was due to my grandpas abuse and due to another man at work that was troubling me for many years. Now Lage was tearing it down with his persistence. Making me even more vulnerable.

I had some additional trouble with work too, and in the beginning of July 1997 I broke down compleately. Made a suicide attempt. Was back to work after a week. Got no help. But some weeks later somebody else helped me get a new job.

It continued for a while afterwords. He told me that he never ment that he “loved” me. He only wanted me as a friend. Strange way of doing that.

Well, for some reason I think we got into this mess because we had a relation in some earlier lifetime. It seem to be the only explanation. Especially when I think fo the strange energies we were surrounded with.

Maybe this is the time to finish it. To throw away old notes and memories. Let it go.
Aurora 2006-07-11

Alexander

Alexander 910323-910514

My first grandchild. He was born with a defect in the mitocondri-system. He could not produce energy so he was tied to a respiration machine.

I could not see him before he was three days old as they transferred my daughter and Alexander to a different hospital. When I was on my way to see him I suddenly heard a voice in my head. “Hej Monica”. It sounded like my grandmother. Then I got a name into my head, the name from “The Lionheart brothers” the young brother that died. I think it was a watning. Then I reached a window and looked inside it. My eyes directly to my grandsons incubator. He was so sweet despite the tubes into his nose.

He was so beautiful. And developed fast mentally, maybe because the body had no energy for movement and growth.

After he died and after the funeral we were 4 woman in my kitchen. Suddenly we noticed that presense. I asked aloud, did you feel that. They said yes, he was here.

Two weeks later I, my daughter and Alexanders father was out for a spring walk in the forest. Then they drowe me home. I was tired so I laid down on the sofa. Arms in front of me. Then I fels something sliding into my arms. It was dense enough to make me move my arms to give room to him. It was Alexanders spiritbody. I did not see it. Yet I saw it and felt it. It was the torso no limbs or head, just something like the aura. Then I “heard” a voice in my head. It said “father-Atilla”. And I understood that I had to give his father a message. “I am here but I can´t get thru to you”.

Later we went to the highlands for vacation. There are a small wooden church. We entered it and my daughter picked up a psalmbook. The book opened at the very verses that were used on Alexanders funeral.

Later on in April 2000 I meditated on people. See post 060625.
quote: “I started out on april 23. I decided to start to meditate on my granddaughter as she was my oldest, 6 yrs. After a while she was in front of me. But then a hand gently pushed her aside and my firstborn grandchild came in. He died at an age of 7 weeks. He sent me a mental message that he was the firstborn that I loved, he should be the first one. How true. He was soo welcome. “

And after that he has been gone.

Owe

1971-04-29
Owe
I had been the mistress to a consultant on my job for some weeks. We worked in the same room at opposite sides. This morning some of us were talking and I was leaning over the middle table.

I and Owe was looking at each other but trying to not make it visible. My eyes going from him to the window, back and forth. I guess that I become hypnotised somehow.

Suddenly everything went quiet and bright around us, everything just dissappeared around us. Then something started to whirl in my stomach and it, something, formed to what I can describe as a “smokeball”. This “ball” roteated the whole time and growed bigger and bigger.at the same time it moved upwards in my body. When it reached the level of the middle of the chest it was so big it could no longer fit into the chest. Then the chest opened in a straight cut and released it. The ball continued to rotate, grow and move upwards until it was before my face. At that point it was so big it covered my head and the shoulderarea, but was in front of me.

Then it stoped rotatingand then both the ball and my body reached out for Owe. Then, like a lightening from above, harsh words came. “HE IS NOT YOURS”. It was calm for a moment then the ball started to rotate backwards, chrinked and dissappeared into the stomach where it had all begun.

Then i “woke up”. Shaked me and returned to my desk. I was pretty shaken. After that event I stoped seeing him.

(1971-12-07 from a mail to a sier, Hanna)

Two years later he came back, his wife divorcing him for cheating. He thought I would be an easy prey and got pissed when I declined the offer to start over. Said I was cold.

Ingemar

Ingemar 1966-1998

He worked at the designgroup when I was employed. We were placed at the desks beside each other. He was married and had three kids. My guess is that he was choosen by his wife, not the other way around. I was single at the time.

The only thing in his mind was sex. Having a single woman beside him was probably too much. He was talking sex, sex, and then some more sex. Being single without a partner that made me crazy. I tried to stop this, but he also affected the other guys so it was impossible. This went on for years. He is also, still, that kind of man that needs to be adored by every woman. And having me around turning away was hard.

So there were a constant fight between us. He to take me in, me to stay away. Luckily we did not have to work that much together. I think he would have divorced if I wanted that. He made me create that huge protective wall around me.

Finally I was able to get another job in the cab-department. (But that ended up with Lage coming around, see another post).

After Lage-event I was transferred to the CAD-team. Ingemar heard about it and showed up at my office. I asked him to leave, but then he put his foot in the door so I could not close. He offered me finally, to be friend with him. What the hell. I had been avoiding him for decades. How stupied can men be?

Anyway, with him there were no strange things happening, just his stubborn need for attention that I did not want to give.