Here we go again!

Seems like peace is over for now.
Today I was biking in the countryside. Then it starts, first the longing for spirituality, the connection with nature. But I resist, I can´t go there again, don´t want to.
Heart starts to blead, tears falls, just the same game as allways. Trying to get me there, inserts hope, just to smash my head all over again. I will not do it. I am not going there again.
Why do they think it is so fun to hurt me? I will not spend 30 years to study stupid religions just to throw it out the window. I refuse! I will not do it.

If tehy think it is so fun to smash me, well, they can do it, it does not make me change my ming.
Go to hell!