...what is “me”?

Grim and I had a “misunderstanding” last night. And this sutra did partly annoy me. Half of the sutra talks of philosophers so it is difficult to see what is actually relevant to the path. It is like trying to find the needle in the haystack. Too much noice around what is important.

Then grim starts to talk about body and its perceptions. That it is “not as it seems”. God, I hate that expression. That is where Eddie got pissed at me too. Why can´t they see that I´m not trapped in bodysenses? Sure, it is “my” host and that what is “me” hurts by feelings and stuff, but only as they relate to the body. Not as they relate to what is really me. The body relay all emotions to “me”. And I am aware of its struggle. But that does not mean I believe “I” am the body or it´s senses. What is “me” has nothing to do with the body, other than it is “my” host. And therefore an interaction takes place.

How frustrating! I take things for what they are and people always put old dogmas into my face. I want to learn about what is beyond the body, that what I feel is me, not about how body works. The body and its senses will dissolve, “I” will not. Not at this time! “I” will keep the memories of the body. Much later it will it dissolves into the Universal mind and takes the memories with it. But that is just memories, like remembering the snake I saw yesterday.

Grim has read too many books and are trapped in various systems. And keeps talking. I can´t devide “myself” into pieces. I can only grow as a whole. He has not noticed that I´m not beleiving that I am the body. As I see it, he has to let go of the wrong idéas. At least understand that I don´t work that way. I don´t understand the body and its senses to be “me”. Makes me question wether he truly knows he is not the body? Why does he have the wrong idéa about me? I need to know where I am heading, not where I have already been.

…is not what you think.

How I hate that expression! When people persists in teaching me the same thing over and over again. Using the same s-t they read in books. I am not a book. I work from a whole, not bits and pieces.

The Lankavatara Sutra

Chapter Five, The Mind System
.
Then Mahamati said to the Blessed One: Pray tell us, Blessed One, what relation ego-personality bears to the mind-system?
-The Blessed One replied: To explain it, it is first necessary to speak of the self-nature of the five grasping aggregates that make up personality, although as I have already shown they are empty, un-born, and without self-nature. These five grasping aggregates are: form, sensation, perception, discrimination, consciousness. Of these, form belongs to what is made of the so-called primary elements, whatever they may be. The four remaining aggregates are without form and ought not to be reckoned as four, because they merge imperceptibly into one another. They are like space, which cannot be numbered; it is only due to imagination that they are discriminated and likened to space. Because things are endowed with appearances of being, characteristic-marks, perceivable-ness, abode, work, one can say that they are born of effect-producing causes, but this cannot be said of these four intangible aggregates for they are without form and marks. These four mental aggregates that make up personality are beyond calculability, they are beyond the four propositions, they are not to be predicated as existing or as not existing, but together they constitute what is known as mortal-mind. They are even more Maya-like and dream-like than are things, nevertheless, as discriminating mortal-mind they obstruct the self-realization of Noble Wisdom. But it is only by the ignorant that they are enumerated and thought of as an ego-personality; the wise do not do so. This discrimination of the five aggregates that make up personality and that serve as a basis for an ego-soul and ground for its desires and self-interests must be given up, and in its place the truth of image-less-ness and solitude should be established.

Then said Mahamati to the Blessed One: Pray tell us, Blessed One, about Universal Mind and its relation to the lower mind-system?
-The Blessed One replied: The sense-minds and their centralized discriminating-mind are related to the external world, which is a manifestation of itself and is given over to perceiving, discriminating, and grasping its Maya-like appearances. Universal Mind (Alaya-Vijnana) transcends all individuation and limits. Universal Mind is thoroughly pure in its essential nature, subsisting unchanged and free from faults of impermanence, undisturbed by egoism, unruffled by distinctions, desires and aversions. Universal Mind is like a great ocean, its surface ruffled by waves and surges but its depths remaining forever unmoved. In itself it is devoid of personality and all that belongs to it, but by reason of the defilements upon its face it is like an actor and plays a variety of parts, among which a mutual functioning takes place and the mind-system arises. The principle of intellection becomes divided and mind the functions of mind, the evil out-flowings of mind, take on individuation. The sevenfold gradation of mind appears: namely, intuitive self-realization, thinking-desiring-discriminating, seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching, and all their interactions and reactions take their rise.
The discriminating-mind is the cause of the sense-minds and is their support and with them is kept functioning as it describes and becomes attached to a world of objects, and then, by means of its habit-energy, it defiles the face of Universal Mind. Thus Universal Mind becomes the storage and clearinghouse of all the accumulated products of mentation and action since beginning-less time.
Between Universal Mind and the individual discriminating-mind is the intuitive-mind (manas), which is dependent upon Universal Mind for its cause and support and enters into relation with both. It partakes of the universality of Universal Mind, shares its purity, and like it, is above form and momentary-ness. It is through the intuitive-mind that the good non out-flowings emerge, are manifested and are realized. Fortunate it is that intuition is not momentary for if the enlightenment, which comes by intuition, were momentary the wise would loose their "wise-ness" which they do not. But the intuitive-mind enters into relations with the lower mind-system, shares its experiences and reflects upon its activities.
Intuitive-mind is one with Universal Mind by reason of its participation in Transcendental Intelligence (Arya-jnana), and is one with the mind-system by its comprehension of differentiated knowledge (Vijnana). Intuitive-mind has no body of its own nor any marks by which it can be differentiated. Universal Mind is its cause and support but it is evolved along with the notion of an ego and what belongs to it, to which it clings and upon which it reflects. Through intuitive-mind, by the faculty of intuition, which is a mingling of both identity and perceiving, the inconceivable wisdom of Universal Mind is revealed and made realizable. Like Universal Mind it cannot be the source of error.
The discriminating mind is a dancer and a magician with the objective world as his stage. Intuitive-mind is the wise jester who travels with the magician and reflects upon his emptiness and transiency. Universal Mind keeps the record and knows what must be and what may be. It is because of the activities of the discrimination mind that error rises and an objective world evolves and the nation of an ego soul becomes established. If and when the discriminating mind can be gotten rid of, the whole mind system will cease to function and universal Mind will alone remain. Getting rid of the discriminating mind removes the cause of all error.

.********************************************
The first part of this sutra mostly made me mad. Lot of blaming and talk about ignorant and simpleminded and clinging as opposite of those wise ones. It disturbed me as everyone is not ment to awaken.

This part however tries to explain how it works. Even if don´t think that a ruffled surface perfect. What they say here is that there is “impurities” in the Universal Mind. And that causes the mind-system to arise, with all that comes with it.

That is actually what science has found in later years. After Big Bang there was small parts where it was more dense then elswhere. Causing the worlds to arise and with them, us. And, to me, this is exactly as I always thought. Put on paper in two different ways.

They do make a lot of effort in structuring life, just to dismiss it. But in this part they actually say that the Universal Mind is the cause that creates us. Yet they claim the Universal Mind is perfect. That part does not match. The whole ideá seem to be to calm things down and make the Universal Mind perfect. But they don´t say it as the Universal Mind is supposed to be perfect in the fist place.

Dark Night

The Dark Night of The Soul is when you abandon “God” and religion in order to recognize that you are the Universe.

Usually a process that hurts like h-l and takes several years to go through.

For Grim

I hope you find the treasure at the end of the rainbow.

True Identity

(on Collections) If my true identity is unchangeable, then why i am in this world ??

Aries981 said:
I believe in simple philosophy, that i am the truth and i am never changing. Well then my question is why i am then in this world. Why i am associated with this body. Is this universe is real ??Please help me in finding answers to these questions..


aries981
IMO the belief has a solid base. And…. the universe is real. There is only one Universe and as such, everything is real. (you just don´t know everything!)

If you want proof you can go to science. What science can´t help you with is how to experience it.
If you take your finger and follow it down the line as far as it goes you will in the end come to that what is unchanging. You first has the skin, then molecules, then atoms, then ….. all the way down to what is the web of the Universe, and science yet has to unfold that. It is the same for all things and all living beings. We can´t exist without it. It is our buildingblocks, the very foundation of what we are.

The same happens for yogis that follow the train of thought and mind. So it appers to be the same Universe no matter what way you follow. And it has to be!

What I can´t tell you is how it works, why that “unchangable” creates us. IF IT REALLY IS UNCHANGEBLE! But that would be hard to find out. Personally I am open to that scenario. It is evolving through us. IMO.

Question arises, grim, if it is unchangeble, why do we grow? Isn´t our growth a result of the Universes own growth? CAN we evolve if the Universe doesn´t? Or are we limited to what already is there?

aries, more questions then answers as it turned out.
my Gallery: www.oegallery.com/SpiritualNature
Posted: 2007-04-07 06:35:11

Compressing photo

Have been working with the photo Gallery the past week.

It is funny nowadays how I relate everything to the spiritual.

Now, on that Gallery, all the pictures used as avatar and gallery head and such has to be very small, actually tiny or the system don´t accept them.

So, here I am having this huge problem to make a picture om 4.5 MB into a picture of only 75kB. And that is not all, they have size demands too. Had a picture of Heaptica that I wanted to use as head, but I failed to make it. The picture had a lot of colors and colors makes bytes. So with the size and weight demands It was impossible to do. So, I had to change picture.

Now the following train of thought appered:
To take this beautiful photograph and compress it into that tiny picture and still be ale to see what it is was very hard.

I wonder if it is as hard for the Universe to compress itself and still express its true nature in the human mind.

Following that train of thought:
When I compress the photograph it results in a lot of damage to the photo. It looses most of its delicate information. And it is impossible to restore it to its full glory.

Maybe that is the reason why it is so difficult to awaken. We are not able to restore that lost information.

http://www.oegallery.com/SpiritualNature

Illusion thread in Collections.

selfseeker asks aurora:
How do you define "Real" & "Existence" ?

Aurora answers:
you said it in the initial post. :)

If you say something is unreal, that is still real. And existence, well, even the void exists. (I skip that multiverse for now, but that would still be just One) As "everything" is connected and there is only one universe everything is real and everything exists.
Posted: 2007-04-04 06:30:54

Absolute truth...

In thread "Deuteronomy 13" on Collections:
Posted: 2007-03-31 16:06:16

quote chip:
"Absolute truth cannot be known because 'known' is a misnomer. Absolute truth is knowing. And it can't be expressed absolutly.
If anything it will make one ultra liberal for it, ( absolute truth) transcends all relative conditional knowledge, being both the fabric conditional knowledge is written and remaining unstained.
Without parts, it's wholely unconcerned about the conditional squabbles of man over it's characteristics, for it is wholey present and nothing is lost, nothing is destroyed, nothing is harmed, nothing is gained, man bubbles up, man sinks back, stars supernova, and there is not even a blip in man's time measure we call eternity.
This discussion is not absolute truth. Absolute truth exists (present tense) before 'let there be light' before the performance of Tapas, non modifiable by reasoning. It's why all questions whither in it's presence.
This post is also not absolute truth. But it matters less then this comma, for that which is unchangeable won't be affected by it.
say on fellas....
Back to what i was doing, for now, i have the robins to watch and the swaying willows."

quote grim: "It's also why all questions form in its presence."

Waiting

This annoying feeling is strong today.

Why am I waiting? What am I waiting for?? Why does it make me nervous? I´ve been “waiting” since my middle 20:s. More or less but always waiting. Today it is strong. I almost expect some important being to call on my door and come visit for some important issue.

This waiting also get to my stomach, think I have mentioned that before. It is like when you are going away and are afraid to miss the train. What if I am out when that important visitor comes? And I can´t do anything about it, it lives it´s own life, sort of.

Maybe it is grim that causes this now. I´m excited to see where he goes. I have a feeling.......

Trapped in the biofilter & Photos

Happened to say that in a conversation with grim the other day. Something more has happened to him. Seems like he was pushed a bit further. I am happy about it.

Guess it is not all that wrong to say. Wanting to sneak out but getting nowhere.

Never mind!

About the photographic adventure I started up as a mean to keep myself busy and eventually earn a dollar or two. Can´t play Tetris for the next 25 years of my life and the money I get from unemployment insurance is getting smaller by the month. I have to build my life anew.

People often tells me they like my pictures and I am rather satiesfied with them. But when I uploaded some to those Stock-companies ALL my pics was refused. Bad light, too blurry, too much noise in them. Even one was mentioned to be “poor composition”.

Spent most of today with searching the net to find out why. I can see the problem with “noise”, I even have a program that can deal with it. But the rest! If I take a pic with sun reflecting in the water, it is supposed to be bright light in the glittering sparkles. They told me it was “lightening problems purple fringe and blown highlights or lenses flare.

Don´t they know how nature works? When I looked around in different sites there are NO pics like mine. They would be refused as “too much noise, film grain” and such. Most pics are clearly enhanced in PhotoShop or other programs. Very strong in colors. Not much natural about it. They look like you dropped the colorbox in them.

Well, am not giving up yet. Can spend a couple of days working on it. But I might end up making my own site if I like to show my stuff.

Spirituality vs Science

It might be that science is the next step to spirituality. There are so much people on the earth now. To live a simple life in touch with nature is almost impossible. I am lucky to live close to nature, but the number of people that never seen a forest is increasing every day. If people don´t know nature, it might be hard to truly understand things like healing and other spiritual things. The chinese medicine that in the past days took decades to learn, they now learn in a month. Do they understand it? I doubt it. We have seen that the higher aspects of some teachings corresponds very well with the present stage of physics. As chip once told me, her son said she was talking physics. We might need science to be able to continue our growth as a human race. I feel like I am in the middle, still understands (at least a little) both sides.

The photo, took it 2 days ago. A grey boring day, but if you look, such beauty is to be found. For those lucky enough to have it around the corner.

Was I wrong?

Saw a post from Asi on the collections today. It seemed as grims “work” with him might have been successful after all. If so, I was wrong about it then. Maybe it works for some people. Does not change for me though. I can´t do it that way. When I saw that post I got so frustrated. Why does everybody but me have nice things? In all those years I had 15 min of being in a state of wonder. 15 minutes of 10 years. Not much. But I have to tell grim to let me be. I can´t do it that way, if any way. I don´t trust it. If it smashes me once more I will not survive.

Talked to grim yesterday. Thought he might have been a bit hurt, but no, don´t seem so. If it had been Eddie he had banned me long ago. (As, in fact he did.)

Anyway, Was thinkin gof that “Neither” yesterday on my way to my parents. They talk about Truth, and Creation (Maya) and the Absolute. Are they the same? I don´t think so. I think it is:

Truth = Creation + The Absolute. Or like.. 0=+1-1

I see “Neither” as “not creation, not the Absolute. Then it leaves it open. A big questionmark??? Grim finally admitted that neither is the third way in “How do you know the Ultimate ?” thread.
quote 070209:
Aurora you said:"It is strange how you use "nither" and emediately come up with a third solution."Neither IS the third option, but when looking into it truthfully, then something else....

Can “Neither” stand alone? In dictionaries I looked at it can´t. So, if “Neither” is another way of saying “Truth”, then it needs the Absolute and The Creation as well.


OK, later, talked to grim for a long time. Maybe the problem is not what he does, but that it is done in an open forum, and I am sensitive to other peoples frustration as well as my own. He actually tries to understand what I am, how I work, but often you have to put him back on track when he gets astrayed. lol

Mist

Nothing, a little or to much. What a difference it makes.

-When there is no mist, then vision is clear.
-When there is too much mist, then there is no sight whatsoever. Like being blind.
-The magic comes when there is a little mist drifting among the trees and over water. Beautiful, mysterious nature. Where dreams is woven, where sacred things takes place, when the border between real and unreal is wiped out. When nature becomes silent.


I remember that day in Hawaii when the clouds lifted and formed a window where I, for a brief moment, could see “Shangri La”.

Bought myself that digital camera. Was lucky to have a day with mist. Enjoy!

Crap

Been writing the below notes as a respond to two threads in Collections. But then, why the h-l shall I “teach” awakened people. Why do I have this urge to do this? It is NOT my business.

If awakening don´t produce individuals that are sensitive to others, what the hell are they good for? I can think of nothing else then it is the A that pushes me, bothers me, gives me idéas. And it pisses me off. If it wants “my” services they are welcome to take possession of this body. Don´t bother me. Think I shall buy that camera and start some serious photographing. Found a site where you can ad your photos and get a little pay when somebody downloads them. Worth a try maybe, and would keep mind of the spiritual crap.

Saw my daughter and granddaughter on the internet right now, playing rugby.

_________________________________________________________
the thought that appeared:
Response to what grim assumed: you thought I was refering to all your posts, but I wasn´t. I saw, and felt (I know, not 100% reliable), AsI:s and no-1:s responses. Then I reacted to that. They seemed to wonder why you were never satisfied.

Am in the middle of working out (as in wheightlifting) and this subject on y mind, now I am getting angry, not at you grim, at the Absolute. I might ad something more on the blog later, but this will do for now.


ej på collection.
have been thinking if this should be taken off forum or in here, but you said ELABORATE so, what the heck.


noted:
*chip thought it to be a koan-discussion
but with a koan then u try to understand ONE koan not every single word ro reaction along the line,

*selfseeker said that it is a well established techniqe used by spiritual teachers.
but they sit in ashrams when student has time to think and ponder. I doubt that they are given 20 questions a day.


Grim, you ask too many questions, people has no time to let it sink and do its work. They don´t even know Your status or motives for doing it. I think they have the right to know.

When working with this neti-neti I understand that one takes ONE question and follow it as far down the line as possible. Not working with20 at the same time. And, grim, you jump at everything you see. I saw both no-1-awakens and AsI express doubts on what is going on. I know that when I get everything I say slapt in my face I stop talk and shout down. I think they are at that point.

You also must consider that people might not have time to think throu things. Often a response might be made between work and fetching kids and put them to sleep. A quick response is easily forgotten.


ändra!
I know you refered to what I said in privat, that your name is everywhere. Yes, you still do that. Turning every thread into a single topic. Getting on the way to the Absolute. But when people starts a topic it might be what they want to discuss. Know that people is different, everyone is not meant to go all the way. When you spoil their topic they leave. Remember our fights in the past??

why am I even bothering? So far nobody even managed to convince me that it is important. Shit!!

For Grimnexus

GrimNexus, going to the Collections I find your name on every thread.

Awakening is not for everyone. You have to select your “victims” carefully. To chose those who are ready and open.

You seem to think you can “talk” everyone into awakening, but that is not possible. Only a few persons are destined to reach it. You seem to think it is important to awaken everybody, but it isn´t. And you fail, like all awakened ones I have encountered, to explain why. Why is it important? Why shall I want it?

If I understand this whole thing, then awakening is not for helping people, it creates a window for the Universe to look through and feel through. But the human body involved has no advantage of it. No need for it.

The avearage person needs help with everyday business, They want a comforting hand to hold and a sholder to lean on when life is hard. That is where religions comes in. Awakening can´t provide that hope as religions gives. At least, I have not seen any hint that it does. The Universe is of no help when your child is badly hurt. A “god” or “angel” might be, even if it is only imaginary. The thought itself helps. The Absolute does not provide that comfort. The Absolute is only helpful when you have already reached it. And that is rare.

People have to evolve and grow from their present position, they don´t need to get the Ultimate hammered into their head. If not evolved enough, spiritually and biologically, they have no chance of understanding OR needing it. They might actually turn around if worked to hard on.

For me, I have come to a position of “standstill”. I think I know as much as I can know, and understand as much as I can understand, and still remain human. There might, still, be qualities about it that I don´t know about, spiritually and scientifically. But the trouble and pain has been too great. There is nothing you can say or do that will make me push forward. The only thing that can do it, is the Universe itself, and obviously, it does not think it is time yet.

For now I read a lot of Native folklore. I enjoy it, and becomes exited. It is beautiful. Gives purpose to their life, yet I know it is not for me. For me there is nothing more to do. For me there is no purpose nor is there any comforting “god” to lean on.

If you want to be a shepherd, learn about sheep!

The Blog

This blog was created as a way to justify all that pain I experienced. I thought that if I can help others the pain would have had a purpose. Up to now I know only one that seemed to have has some benefit from it.

So……..I have to conclude that I have no purpose, I am not even able to help others! Except for old parents of course, and daughters that need money. But that is everyday life.

So, writing the blog from now on is just my dairy. Nothing more.

I wonder………

if……..

just realized that I had not meditated indoors since May last year. In June I had the last “hit”. Looking in the backmirror I think it is the meditation that causes the “hits”. When i meditate indoors I go deep. As I learned at the yogaschool. And that is when I had that “brainsplit”.

When I am outdoors it does not work the same way, I let it come natural and focuses out on nature, not inwards. Even if they say it is meditation both ways it works differently in me.

So, I should not meditate? As I can remember it goes like: period of meditation, there comes a “hit”, I go crazy, refuses to do anything spiritual because of the pain. After some time it fades away. Slowly it startes over again. Starts to meditate, gets a “hit”………and, round and round we go..

I feel it is a part of it, even if it is more. During “active” periods I also usually have dreams and other visions. This past 9 months it has been nothing. I havn´t “worked” on it really. Mostly just documented old and new thoughts on the blog. And, kept a window open to friends.

Grim tries to push me, but don´t succed, I circle around it. lol

Science seems to be safe.

Winona´s Web

by Pricilla Cogan
Have been reading a book I found on the library. It is a trilogy but I only have the first book.

It is about a woman Meggie, that moved back to the countryhouse her grandmother once lived in. She workes as a psychiatrist in a nearby town.

One day she recieves a new patient, Winona, who is a sioux medicinwoman and pipebearer.

Winona says she shall die in two months time. Her daughter is frustrated. Now…. in therapy session, the roles turns. Winona takes over and starts to teach Meggie. The spirits wants that, so Winona has to stay a bit longer.

Winona teaches Meggie about being a native medicinwoman.

They also discuss a lot of things. This is Wionas thoughts about Jesus:
“She loves the story of Jesus birth but says it is a pitty that so much of the story is lost. They go from the child who KNOWS, to the adult man that has rediscovered what he had forgot.
He have learned to listen to the answers of his prayers. Most of us is stuck in the middle without any story that can help us. People goes to church and gets answers without having asked the questions. Yes, they can ask with the head, but the questions does not come from the heart.”

Once Winona asked the spirits in the sweetlodge about Jesus. They answered that Jesus was Gods son and was sent to the white man because the whites feared death so much.


This book was good to me right now. As I am a bit depressed and “out of purpose”, this is a book where Meggie is given, unknowingly at first, a new purpose with her life. Will I have a purpose? Or is eating and sleeping what will keep me alive. Just alive, not living.

Depressed

I am getting depressed. An unusual feeling. What has happened the past years has not been depression. I´ve been hurt and I have been angry, but not depressed.

Now I find myself slipping down that ugly road of depression. Don´t know if it is due to the weather. But I think it is a growing feeling of having no purpose. It is hard to find a meaning anymore. And not much interest me. Even if I do my best. A human needs a purpose, and I have none.

I hate to see this new forest drown in my tears. So far it has not happened though. To live only because the heart don´t stop…………….. how pointless.