Deleted, letter to a friend

Hi friend, just want to say I deleted the blog before I went to bed last night. Not because of you, if you read the blog you have seen it´s been on my mind for some time. Started with deleting the forum about two months ago. There will be no more whining and complaining!

You say:” Either go whole hog or drop it.” and “Get on with it or drop it”, so far my experience is that I can block it for a while, but then it sneakes back if I don´t watch out. This past year I have tried to keep a low profile to keep it calm. Now that period is over.

It really makes no difference if it, my problems, comes from hidden consciousness or “outside” spirits. The result is the same.

It does not matter if I wanted to “go for it”, I would not know how to do that. We have a saying in sweden, “burnt child fears fire”. That is where I am. If I was a testanimal I would starve to death with food right in front of my nose because it gives me charges when I try to tuch it.

As you know I have no nice experiences that will make me go, that could serve as a carrot. I only had the 10 minutes when dancing in the forest. And that was probably not spiritual, rather a rush of adrenalin or other chemicals in the brain (sorry, forgot the name of the one I think of). The other times I felt nice outdoors, it was my own doing. Nothing spiritual about that.