She´s wining

She´s wining and gives me headache. I´m angry!

I think that instead of close the duality gap I started to eject her. I am tired of this whining and bad job. I am tired of being manipulated. I was fine with the idéa of true death. In fact I wanted to die. But all this crap going on, I hate it.

Now it seems like I try to get rid of the spirit. She can go elsewhere and whine and try to do what the h-l she is trying to do in such a bad way.

I had an idéa long ago that spirit was no more then a parasite to the human body, using it for it´s own purpose. The human can live without it. So, maybe that is what I do now, kick her but and ask her to leave.

I realised I do all this work with photo and a lot of other things in order to give the spirit thought lesser room. Now I go about new friends to talk to. Will give her even lesser space if I get it my way.

Sometimes I wonder what´s wrong with how “I” am. Why can´t “I” have those happy expectations of a neverending Eden? Why do “I” differ from everyone else? When I read something on Cot or elsewhere I always think, no…no..and no! It´s wrong. It´s not that way.

suuuuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, leave me alone, please! Get out of my head!