I have always had a problem defining what ego really is. People use it in a way that makes it look like it is the most evil thing and should be slayed at first sight.
This morning I thought that the ego really is what I call M. I always lived with this duality, M/spirit-soul-center. But with M as ego I can deal with this.
M was forced to do some things as a kid. Blackmailed sort of, so she could not escape because then the family would be hurt. Since then M really don´t like the idéa of anybody trying to rule her. Deciding what she should do. When M dies, then she wants to die, not to live forever. Eternal life is truly scarry to her.
Now, the other part wants to live forever. (this comes from a discussion about karma with grim last night) Spirit-All wants so badly to evolve to be Truth. And no matter what M wants, the desire of spirit is greater and overrule M. And so there is conflict. So M, that don´t know about any goal that spirit has, thinks that there is another entity that wants to rule what is M. Crazy, right? M has no problems with dying or letting go, but she has a lot of trouble with anything that wants to rule her.
How can this be solved?
Showing posts with label ego. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ego. Show all posts
2008-01-22
2008-01-08
The problem with ego death
It is said that ego dies when awakening occurs. Yet a part of ego remains to handle the body that still is alive. As long as the body lives, Rigpa is tied to it, limited. Not free. Somehow!
One of my issues is “eternal life”. In no way do I wish to live forever. When I die, I want to be dead and stay dead. Have said this a number of times but don´t remember if it is on the blog. It probably is, I keep repeating myself.
Anyway, if awakening means to exist forever……….that is VERY disturbing to me. All parts of me! It really is disgusting. And, so far, nobody has convinced me otherwise. They seem inable to.
There is another thing. I seem to never think of “myself” as “ME”. For now there seems to be three id:s. It and It and “ “. Translated, it is probably ego, spirit and Rigpa. O´my how will this end? What part dies? What lives? Does any of it dissappear? Can I trust that “Aurora” will forever be forgotten without any leftovers to suffer for eternity?? And if Aurora is gone, will anything be remembered in the spirit? When does the spirit-part die? Is there any end what so ever?
I DON`T WANT ETERNAL LIFE, why can´t it just end?
One of my issues is “eternal life”. In no way do I wish to live forever. When I die, I want to be dead and stay dead. Have said this a number of times but don´t remember if it is on the blog. It probably is, I keep repeating myself.
Anyway, if awakening means to exist forever……….that is VERY disturbing to me. All parts of me! It really is disgusting. And, so far, nobody has convinced me otherwise. They seem inable to.
There is another thing. I seem to never think of “myself” as “ME”. For now there seems to be three id:s. It and It and “ “. Translated, it is probably ego, spirit and Rigpa. O´my how will this end? What part dies? What lives? Does any of it dissappear? Can I trust that “Aurora” will forever be forgotten without any leftovers to suffer for eternity?? And if Aurora is gone, will anything be remembered in the spirit? When does the spirit-part die? Is there any end what so ever?
I DON`T WANT ETERNAL LIFE, why can´t it just end?
2007-06-02
Rose in Meditation chapter13
Finally it is starting to make some sense. I like this! It corresponds with my own ideas.
quote from the e-book:
. To pretend to turn away from the ego-self, while de facto still being at best only the thought of transcendence maintained by this same ego, is to be once again out-witted by the mind. This must be seen. On the other side of the paradox, however, this human self is not to be derisively (hånfullt) regarded as garbage to be thrown out or a sinner to be deprecated(ogillad), as this would still be another subtle form of identification within duality, implied by one’s desire to disassociate from it or repudiate (förkasta) it. This common religious attitude is dangerously misleading.
Personal delusion is better likened to a cancer of a body system, in which the objective is to locate the cause of the disease and remedy it, returning the organism to wholeness and vitality; not to cut out the offending body parts as if excommunicated.
The human being is not the Self, but it is evidently an intended part of its total manifestation. Nonduality in regards to the Self is to incorporate the “self” (purified of the ego that would inhabit it) as a part of the whole picture of reality too, and not something contrary to it. What is required is to allow it to be, truth-fully, as a relative, human self within its own domain—which is within the Self’s larger domain, yet to realize that one is not it.
quote from the e-book:
. To pretend to turn away from the ego-self, while de facto still being at best only the thought of transcendence maintained by this same ego, is to be once again out-witted by the mind. This must be seen. On the other side of the paradox, however, this human self is not to be derisively (hånfullt) regarded as garbage to be thrown out or a sinner to be deprecated(ogillad), as this would still be another subtle form of identification within duality, implied by one’s desire to disassociate from it or repudiate (förkasta) it. This common religious attitude is dangerously misleading.
Personal delusion is better likened to a cancer of a body system, in which the objective is to locate the cause of the disease and remedy it, returning the organism to wholeness and vitality; not to cut out the offending body parts as if excommunicated.
The human being is not the Self, but it is evidently an intended part of its total manifestation. Nonduality in regards to the Self is to incorporate the “self” (purified of the ego that would inhabit it) as a part of the whole picture of reality too, and not something contrary to it. What is required is to allow it to be, truth-fully, as a relative, human self within its own domain—which is within the Self’s larger domain, yet to realize that one is not it.
2007-05-02
Hurting
-When the body gets cut or smashed, the body hurts and then it heals rather fast.
-When the ego/mind gets hurt, it is bad. Like when one is mobbed. Can take a lot of time to heal, if ever.
-When both body and ego/mind is hurt, like when abused, it might never really heal. Can be so severe that suicide is concidered.
-If spirit/soul is hurt, that is among the worst things, because it is not visible. When the spirit is hurt, as when I had the “hits”, the body also hurts. When both hurts, it is really bad. It is your pain but nobody can understand it or see any reason for your suffering. And yet, the pain is very real both to the physical body as well as to spirit and mind. The suffering goes to all ascpects of your being. There is no defense against it. Takes a lot of time to recover.
-If ego/mind and soul are badly hurt then ………………..the entire system wants to go into oblivion. Never to be heard of again.
-When the ego/mind gets hurt, it is bad. Like when one is mobbed. Can take a lot of time to heal, if ever.
-When both body and ego/mind is hurt, like when abused, it might never really heal. Can be so severe that suicide is concidered.
-If spirit/soul is hurt, that is among the worst things, because it is not visible. When the spirit is hurt, as when I had the “hits”, the body also hurts. When both hurts, it is really bad. It is your pain but nobody can understand it or see any reason for your suffering. And yet, the pain is very real both to the physical body as well as to spirit and mind. The suffering goes to all ascpects of your being. There is no defense against it. Takes a lot of time to recover.
-If ego/mind and soul are badly hurt then ………………..the entire system wants to go into oblivion. Never to be heard of again.
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