Ego

I have always had a problem defining what ego really is. People use it in a way that makes it look like it is the most evil thing and should be slayed at first sight.

This morning I thought that the ego really is what I call M. I always lived with this duality, M/spirit-soul-center. But with M as ego I can deal with this.

M was forced to do some things as a kid. Blackmailed sort of, so she could not escape because then the family would be hurt. Since then M really don´t like the idéa of anybody trying to rule her. Deciding what she should do. When M dies, then she wants to die, not to live forever. Eternal life is truly scarry to her.

Now, the other part wants to live forever. (this comes from a discussion about karma with grim last night) Spirit-All wants so badly to evolve to be Truth. And no matter what M wants, the desire of spirit is greater and overrule M. And so there is conflict. So M, that don´t know about any goal that spirit has, thinks that there is another entity that wants to rule what is M. Crazy, right? M has no problems with dying or letting go, but she has a lot of trouble with anything that wants to rule her.

How can this be solved?