To BE and Not to BE

There has been a lot going on lately.

Today I have come to some kind of conclusion.

There are so much I don´t like about this “Enlightenment” business. So many contradictions.

Illusion:
I just don´t like the concept of illusion. To me there are no illusions. Just different ways of percieving. Due to limited body and mind. Sooner or later it will all be explained.

All this:
emptiness, nothingness, no thing, one thing, all there is, nothing exists, except Maya.

There is Maya, but maya does not exist????!!!!?? But “we” have to be there anyway!

I am here, but it is not me. I don´t exist. But ego clearly exist as it is a big deal of getting rid of it. But ego does not “really” exist either, as there is no existense apart from The Absolute. I can easily get rid of everything as “I am already that”. What ever “that” is. But, there are “ego”…………. No nothing exists.

I can´t even die, as no matter what, no future, no history, no self, no vision, just what “I really am”. That mysterious “thing” that exists despite it is dead and gone. But that is the true me. I can´t die. I exist even if I don´t exist. :-(

What the h-l is that???

When I become “that what I truly am” the rest of the world becomes shells and robots. “I” have a robot too. A nice one that goes about it´s business. Does not care if “I” am present or not. Don´t seem to be needing “me” at all. As they say. So, what is that “robot” that goes about it´s business?? Is there a soul in it??? Does it have thoughts of it´s own? Probably, as we are fighting now and then.


Negation:
What is really the point in claiming “I” am not the “Ego”. It only means “I” am something else. The lifeforce of the Universe? The Absolute? Nothing? But, yeah nothing does not exist?! Why should I negate something I know I am not?

I don´t want to BE and NOT TO BE. Exist and not exist. In ANY form what so ever. Not to be dead and yet aware.

When the woman that is Ladyhawk is dead and buried and the ego and spirit is also gone I don´t want it to be any trace left of me/us. No memories, no awareness. What the Universe, which I believe to be “lifeforce” really is, is not of my concern. Why should I struggle a lifetime to become “the lifeforce”. Or nothing, or what I truly am? I as a human are not the lifeforce, but it is “driving” me. If the Lifeforce, The Absolute, needs me it has the power to claim me. But it is not my concern.

phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Tomorrow is christmas eve. Could I be reborn please???? Without this struggle?
Thread on SDF

I am MOJOH

Oct 9 2005, 12:20 PM on SDF







I am the body and ego that is one half of the system MOJOH/LADYHAWK where lady is spirit-soul.

We have a common interest. When we are at the lake and in the forest, we become ONE. For the rest of the time, we are mostly fighting for the power of the system.

But now, The Lady Of The Hawk is on a timetrain somewhere, destination unknown.She wanted me to care for the Campfire.

If she is coming back?

I don´t know.

Please, refere to me as MOJOH.

Lady is on the train

051008

Mystic, of course I will share it with you.

At 1000 posts, I will become “Infinite Conciousness” in the Forum. Somehow that is symbolic. And maybe I am a bit superstitious.

You have followed me for the last 15 months. Lately I had two dreams. In the first I was at the trainstation and was given a creditcard with the shape of the endpiece of a loal of bread. Was told it was very good and would provide my needs. But I never bought the ticket so I was stuck at the station.

(050930) In this dream I bought the ticket and got myself on the train. I am on the train, but not yet at the unknown destination.

Well, if I become “Infinite Conciousness” before I reach the destination……would I blow it????

And then lately I feel that it is the same stuff being written again and again.
And sometimes I just want to hide. Some things is weird and I think I need to think about it. Some people are very disturbing at the SDF right now.

Sometimes I get mails from people that they think soo highly of me that I get bothered and feels a bit uncomfortable. I can´t live up to some peoples expectations.

Well. That was a lot. Somehow I think The Lady Of The Hawk is done. She should not be back until she has reached the destination. Maybe then, the thousend post can be written.

Walk through houses, dream

When the dream started I was visiting on my grandmothers farm, the one they had when I was a child. I wanted to see the neighbours farm. Last time I saw it it was falling apart. But this day it was very nice looking. When I got there a lot of people was walking around. It turned out the place was for sale. I walked in and looked around to get some paperwork, but found none. This is an old swedish farmhouse. Two stories high whith the bedrum and storage usually on the topfloor.

I looked around the kitchen. Looked normal for this house. Then I started to enter the staircase in the corner. Surprised I noted it was very narrow and worn out. I hardly could put my feet on them. Thought it will be tough to get furniture up there.
Again I got surprised when I reached the upper floor, instead of the small room I expected, there was a LARGE room. It was very beautifully painted in a light pastel color on the woodwork. I looked into a door to what was seen to be a room for washing oneself. Several people could be there.

Then I came into a large hall-shaped room. The same bright light colors that gave it the feeling of a huge space. I thought I would like to buy this house.

Coming to the end of this room was a door out. I came out into some sort of hangar. It seemed to be a military storage. A lot of cars, old Scania of course. (used to work there). I passed the cars and some other equipment and then I came to a place for “toilets”. I lifted one lock and could feel the smell of human wastes. Closed it quickly. Next in line was some peculier trucks. They had two small compartments to sleep in. So two people could sleep in that cars when going someplace. I tuched one of them and then it started to move backwards. But it stoped when I pushed it back. Those cars has not been used for a long time. Dusty with spiderwebs on them. Then I walked through an opening out and to the house to the left.


When I entered this house I saw it was a warehouse. This one also very large with the same nice colors as in the house. This turned out to be a storage for food. On the benches there were boxes and buckets with some kind of food. In some buckets I found what looked like small, glass sheets, it was frozen liquid or juice. The same nice pastelcolor on them. It seem to have been various kinds of juices froxen as glasssheets. Tasted some. Just a “small” flavour to it. Thought this is not food for humans. It is for spirits. Around the corner I saw pots with parsley and other herbs. Frozen as well. That storehouse turned to the right and then a door out.

When I left that building I got up on the roof of it. I started to walk my way back on the roof. Easy at first, but then it got smaller and more difficult. I had my backpack on. When I reached the end of the building I had to get over to the next roof which was about 5 dm away. Made it.

When I was almost back to the hangar the house started to rock. There were a man and a woman that started to rock it. It was obvious they wanted to get me to fall down. They did not want me to reach the end of that roof. I went on my knees and gripped hard. So despite their effort I was able to reach the end of the roof and jump down. And then they were gone.
And the dream ended.


That was quite a dream, would you not say. Never had anything like that before.
The meaning of it. Well, the staircase, a narrow and hard way to the goal. The big nice rooms, the realms of spirits or angels, even if I did not see any. The military compartment, being on hold, probably means the “war is over”. And they have to eat in the spiritworld as well. The roof, am I trying to reach too high????

Well, it was fun any way, so I hope you liked it. Just to bad I can´t show you how it looked. At times like this I wish I had my mothers artistc side. Then I could have painted it.

Trainstation, dream

I and my sister were visiting my parents. And now it was time to go back home. But to my surprise my sister said she should stay at my parents over night. Then we all went to the station to see me off.

At the station we sat down and I put by backpack on the floor. Later on when I lifted it to move away a bit, it felt so light. When I looked at it there were a large hole in the bottom. Everything was gone, nothing in it. How could that happen, I was chocked. We all looked around and saw nothing of my stuff. Then we started to go back to my parents house to look. But I changed my mind and turned around to go to the “kiosk” to ask if they seen anything.

They had it all. Somebody had taken it to them. So, I got it all back and should be able to go home. My parents and my sister left.

But in the process I had missed the train to which I had tickets. I walked around for awhile, and then went to where they sold tickets to see when the next train were leaving and to get a new ticket. As the first train already left I could not change the ticket. I had to buy a new. And, of course, I had not enough money in cash and no creditcard.

But they said they could give me a new creditcard. I gave them all details and then they handed it over to me. Never seen a creditcard look like that! It had the shape of the first or last bit of a loaf. A piece of bread? (limpans kantbit) I guess I had a funny expression on my face when I looked at it but they said it was a very good creditcard. It would provide me with everything I needed, and, understood, I could buy the new ticket.

I did not buy the ticket at once, but walked around in the lounge. The only way out of there was to the trains. When I buy that ticket then there is no turning back
Dream over.

LOVE, ILLUSION, ENLIGHTMENT AND PERFECT

Posted: Apr 12 2005, 05:34 PM by Ladyhawk

The words in the title of this thread are those words that causes me the biggest trouble.

“LOVE” as the “love” of the universe is not the same as the human feeling “love”. That took me a lot of time to understand. Eddie gave me the word Compassion for this specific kind of love. Maybe it is a better word to use.

“ILLUSION” still troubles me as I can´t accept that a part of the Universe is called an illusion. To me it is all real, just different perspectives. Mostly due to the limited way our human bodies are created.

“ENLIGHTENMENT” as there seem to be several definitions on that word. If I “go to the bottom” with this, then God is the Universe in the state of “absolute zero” (-273,15 ºC). At that temperature nothing moves or changes. As soon as it heats up just a little bit life begins. But where did the heat come from?? How can something motionless eternally cold, suddenly be heated??? Even a consiousness IS something. It exists and moves. Where did it come from?

“PERFECT” If we are already perfect and there are noone here to be bettered. Then somebody, please, explain that contradiction to me. Why are we then hopelessly trying to achieve something we don´t even have a clue of? If we are so perfect and we are not really here as we don´t exist, why am I typing all this nonsence??

LIFE is contradiction.

.************************************************
Two of the most important responses:

Posted: Apr 13 2005, 05:56 AM by Eddie

Actually, I didn’t give the word compassion.

There is no “human” compassion or “human” love because of the state of enlightenment. That’s a total myth… The “love” that is there is beyond the capacity of the human mind to understand and can only be known directly at an experiential level.

If we make a up word to try and describe what it is there, it cannot be done, because words are limited, as are thoughts and what is being described is infinite and ineffable. Consequently every time we try and define consciousness, god or Buddha etc, we limit it. But at the same time, people apparently want to become enlightened so a pointer is provided and the words love and compassion are used in this context: as pointers.

When operating from your natural state of enlightenment, then there is NO service to humanity as a form. The service is to God or ultimate reality. The two are different things.

You also have to remember that the physical form is not the enlightened thing. Our physical brains do not suddenly become enlightened. The remembrance that you are consciousnesses in ultimate reality is what may occur though. Form may then align itself with that rememberance..

This is not perceived through any of the physical senses; it is beyond the mind and form to perceive and is why it is ineffable in nature because it transcends mind and form. Pointing is really all that can be done from this perceptive. The only way you can know is to come and see for yourself.

On the illusion, if you understand that everything in the universe is dependent upon perception then conceptually that’s all that needs to be known… That’s all there is to it. In other words, there is no physical seeing of the illusion, you don’t see the illusion through your eyes for example.

If you understand that everything is illusion, bar one thing, then you can question everything conceptually. Does that table really exist, even though you physically see it for example? By chopping up everything in this manner, then eventually you’re left with the one thing that cannot be chopped up, which is the absolute.

Then your life changes, because instead of the concept that there is an illusion, there is a direct experience of oneness…. Functionally it works like this.

You perceive things without labels, concepts, dogmas, ideas, thoughts etc. An example would be seeing a rose. Physically I see a rose there just like anyone else. But what is different is that the “rose” is not labelled and no meaning is derived from the rose. For example, I don’t think about why the rose is there or if it smells good or not or if it’s pretty or not. So all that mental chatter either stops altogether for periods, or no attention is paid to the mental chatter of ego.

There is just an object there, that is the reflection of “I”, which is love. The “rose” then is experienced as “I” but with no one doing the observation of the rose. There is just “rose” (no labels though). However if I need to communicate with another human being (even though I know it’s I as a dis-identified entity), then I need to use the symbol “rose” as a starting place to understanding ultimate reality.

On enlightenment, I understand the confusion. Just to repeat, the confusion stems from the fact that we don’t have adequate words to describe it. So when terms like void or emptiness or nothing is used, it denotes that there is "nothing" there, which is not the actual case.

There is nothing there in terms of human conception. For example, there are no concepts, no ideas, no humans, no universe, no multiple universes. Absolute reality is devoid of these things. Yet at the same time we can point to some of the apparent qualities of Absolute Reality: eg., Unconditional acceptance, Intelligence, aliveness, awareness, love etc. Except that you have to remember that the pointing is not the thing itself. Like when I use intelligence, I only use it because it’s one of the closest words we have to the actual experience of the Absolute. The concept of intelligence is not there in other words, but something exists that is a bit like intelligence when it’s tried to be understood by a physical brain and conveyed to another.

Perfection: You are typing here because you believe you are a human being. As such you believe you are limited and in this limitation there is a perception of imperfection. In terms of a human form, at a deeper level you already know that nothing is what it appears to be, that something is fundamentally illusionary and that you’re limited as a human being. Most of the time, this is completely unconscious, as used in the psychological sense of the word.

In people it will manifest in many different ways. It can manifest as in “I don’t quite fit in”, “depression” , “things will be ok when I find someone to love and to love me”, “it will be ok when I become more compassionate”, “when I am enlightened, I will be in bliss”, “there has to be more to life”, “nothing works” etc…

So there is this underlying sense in all human beings to get things “right”, because they have identified with a limited perception of the world and the universe. This is a cognitive and experiential dissonance with the Absolute. In turn it manifests as a spiritual search, be it in this life time or in life times to come. You start to seek the answers, so that you can be “right”. You want to confirm that your on the right path, you want your version of enlightenment and so on…

When you find absolute truth though, you will find that right and wrong don’t exist nor does enlightenment. That’s the rub…

What exists is the Absolute, and when we know this directly, then we no longer identify ourselves as ego, but rather “know” with a sense beyond ordinary human knowing, that our real identity is God. In other words “I” is God, not Eddie.

Why then does this occur? Because its Gods nature to create, which includes creating the perception of illusion…

See it isn’t that God created the earth but rather God created the perception of an earth. It is God that wants to have that perception of what it’s like to live on this little speck of a planet and be a little speck of a human being, without knowing it’s all God fundamentally.

Even using the word create is a bit erroneous, because it implies a beginning and an end. This is eternal creation… it always was this way and always will be this way. The illusion will remain regardless of whether humanity as form survives or not. It is God experiencing God as a planet, as a star, as a universe as a rock, as a completely different universe, and so on.

To answer the question why? God loves experiences, all of them…

What is humanities purpose? To come to know this directly, so that God then has an experience of what it’s like for everyone to be awakened. Even if the world was destroyed tomorrow, all that would happen is that you would identify with energy. For example, a soul, going to heaven etc. At this level, you would reincarnate as some micro-organism and evolution would begin again. If that is not possible on this planet, then it would occur on another planet of even another universe. You may even reincarnate as a 3 arm creature or something we cannot imagine as yet.

Its “humanities” destiny to awaken, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. When humanity awakens then that will be an experience in consciousness of everyone awake. It will be illusion too, but everyone will know it is, and that will make the world of difference.

This is what is meant by everything coming together, everything will know God directly in this universe. When that occurs, there will be another universe somewhere, that won’t know God directly and the cycle continues. Always more universes created with different laws etc that don’t know they are God, and always eventually returning to source.

When this universe is destoyed it wont matter at all then. Becuase you allready are "I", allready are God. Then you will experience the totality of the illusion. Thats the ultimate "miracle"...

So take a load of and watch the show, all is good and all is happening as meant to be.

.****************************************************************

Posted: Apr 13 2005, 07:06 PM by chip

to put it another way My Lady.........

Absolute zero does not mean a temprature, it means no matter whatsoever, and even the word 'spirit' is not accurate because we all have a concept of what 'spirit' may be, so it's called zero, no thing.

Matter surrounds it ( to put it simply,) and it permeates all froms. So we have this 'it' that has a body called by many names, female, your given name, your family name, your user name, your work title, grandma, mother, and all these have certain feelings, and obligations and mannerisms and perceptions, a whole mental construction attached to them. Will the real Ladyhawk please stand up? What is basic to all these is self aware consciousness. The closer one can get to self aware consciousness with no interferance from all the mental constucts the closer the 'real', the basic being is realised.

This basic being has no limitations it has no wants, no needs, it is full of it's self. This is what I mean by abundance of being. And this is often expressed as compassion by the person aware of it. It's called compassion because there is a feeling of abundance of self that is called compassion by those on the outside who see the affects of the person's inner experiencing.A lot is said about love....IMO, love is what moves us out of our shell. Attached love brings pain because of the nature of change. There are few who realise, " I can love, you need not love me back" and this is very close to the nature of compassion because there is no need attached to it. But it is not wise to give any loveup because it has some attachement to it, this is not a sterile existance nor are we dealing with a sterile basic being it's always pregnant with itself. We love at beginning love and move from there.

The world of illusion.....If we realise most of what we see is incomplete in our perception because we have limited 5 sense, and our judgement of what we see is colored by our conditioning, we have a pretty good working basis for understanding illusion. The greatest part of illusion is the seperatness we percieve between ourselves and the rest of the phenomanal world. Please notice the phrase "rest of the phenomenal world' as if what is beyond our percieved being is some kind of left overs, not directly related to us.

Ladyfriend, we exist in a cyclical world, with a cyclical body and a mind that percieves only cycles, it cannot grasp what has no beginning and end. It's not made for that. That we can have a concept of eternal is a wonderful marvel to me, based most likely, on observation of what appears to be relativly eternal to our own cycling. The only way I know to experienceit is thru meditation in a state that has no object and no act of perception, hence no time. it is also here that indivisable occurrs and changes perception of seperatness.

So, what is the up shot here? All forms are patterned on one basic universal awareness, it's judged to be most evident in human beings on this planet. Because it is so basic to existance we wish to explore it as our most basic identity. Because we all have to swim thru our individualise patterns of conditioning to get to it we choose what seems the best way. And along the way encounter more subtle forms of conditioning that may sidetrack us a little into views that are not right on target. But not to worry, as long as we keep saying 'maybe not this' we will come to a point beyond which there is nothing further. It's built into our hard drive, each and everyone of us, our destiny.

http://spiritual-forum.net/iboard/index.php?act=ST&f=1&t=1017&hl=perfection&s=1c92df206374515334f68c4f9ef1bf86

Important decision, cameradream

I had a very profound dream this morning. Lately I have dreamt a lot about a dream concerning computers and saving work. That dream comes now and then in slightly different versions. And they are quite annoying as I don´t understand them. So last night I told myself I will not dream any dreams I don´t understand. It´s no point in that, just wast of time.

So, this is what I dreamt this morning:
I was in India, on a marketplace in a tent. I was visiting someone. Then I did see an old camera. Much like my old one. It seemed to be very long (broad) according to the container it was in. When I reach for it the owner came. He allowed me to turn it carefully, but I was not allowed to open the protective leather container. So I could not see it was a mordern version or a bellow one. In an opening beside the camera I found old stuff like batteries, flashlamps and other things. I found the tent a bit odd. The shelves that things stood on was not visible. When I asked for the price the owner was gone. I could not get the price or the figure to calculate kr to Indian money. I was holding the camera so nobody should take it and waited, trying to figure out the cost. I looked around to see if my bag with the creditcard was OK and saw that pixiwings was watching it. After a while, when the owner still had not come back, I put the camera back on that invisible shelf. Thought that if it was so hard to try to purchase, it was not worth the trouble. So, I prepared to leave. And I have to make a decision. Shall I wait or shall I go. I know that if I go I might not find the place again or if I find it the camera might be gone. The only chance to purchase the camera is to stay put.
-And that was it.

Well, this I understand, it describes the present situation. I am in a foreign country and don´t know the surroundings. I am in a marketplace. The camera is likely to be “enlightenment” as I have wished for. And tried to achieve. BUT, as in the dream, I don´t know how to do it and are not given any instructions on how to do it as the “owner” dissappeared. I can´t buy the camera as the owner are not there, I don´t know the price or the exchangevalue to my money. I don´t know how much I have on my creditcard.
The dream stoped before I left the tent.

The fact that I have never found any “spiritual path that suits me” is the denial of instruction. As I am pretty tired of waiting I am getting to a point where I can leave without looking back. Or regretting doing that. If I decide to stay I might have to wait so long I might starve to death before the “owner” comes back. And I still take the risk of not having the means or purchasing the goods.

OK, this is a huge metaphore. If you get the general idéa of what I am saying and has any comments on that. Feel free to tell me.

The main question is if I shall take the chance to stay and wait, or if I shall leave this whole search. Is it worth the waiting????? So far I have not seen anything that makes it worth the effort.

http://spiritual-forum.net/iboard/index.php?act=ST&f=1&t=814&hl=camera&s=5933c34604bdfaa57aecc44c392b028b

There are a lot on that thread. Among it a summary in response to chip.
and:
050221
It´s like something I actually got confirmed in the text of Osho´s. It´s like somebody cuts bits and pieces out of me and I don´t understand anything. Right now I have had some rough months and I am tired. Spirituality is not my choice really. I admit it was quite exciting when I was around 20-40. But the past 5 years has been nasty.

Sometimes I think I am mad, but from bits and pieces of what you guys have shared, I know I am not mad.Nothing wrong with the mind and brain.

The Path

Posted: Jan 29 2005, 11:47 PM by Ladyhawk on SDF

The Path
The two paths, forest and spiritual, both can get seriously devastated. That happened to me and “my” forest three weeks ago. And yet, the forest was able to comfort me. In the forest I now have to learn to walk around the trees that has fallen down and to avoid branches that might fall down.

The spiritual path is somewhat similar to the forest path. Now I have to learn to walk and find new paths to be able to continue. Nothing is certain, a lot is unfamiliar. I have no map and has to go on “gut feeling”. But, down at the lake, there are a nice sunset waiting for me. Will I see it? Sure I will, with a little help from my friends.

Posted: Dec 29 2004, 08:16 PM by chip
Ladyhawk,you are going to hear a lot of advice, most of it relativly true, I am going to give you the bottom line, which everything else relates to.

You know that stillness that we talk about, and that 'blue hour' in the day? THAT is when you are feeling the influence of the ONE. That is as close as you can get to the ONE in your sensory consciousness. This is what the ONE is, this absolute stillness that is the background for all activity, from the whirling of the atom to the spinning of the universe and everything between. And YOU, Ladyhawk, can sit on the ground at sunset and sense it, become close to it.ALL activity, from that of the light workers to the devas and spiritual beings have thier grounding in this stillness. I will tell you a secret, the divinity does NOTHING. It does not plan, it does not take action, it does not interfere in our affairs. For almost everyone that is one scary notion, that WE are totaly responsable for our outcome. But it's built into us, we MUST return to our source. The beauty of the deal is that matter cannot hold us, because it encompassees the unchanging with that which constantly changes, and in time, even if we did nothing, the matter would gradualy fall away and we would become more and more revealed to ourselves as that perfect stillness.

So, if the divinity does not intrest itself in our affairs and is so perfectly still why should it matter to us? Because it is our primeary nature, and it is TOTALY aware, and so complete it's nature is of unspeakable abundance we call love.The bottom line ( and I repeat myself) is the stillness in which ALL beings, devas humans, demons and angels have thier being. It is a consciouse aware silence/stillness. I will tell you something, I ignored the visions, the music, the voices, and went like an arrow, like a knife cutting straight to the heart, for the ONE. Everything else was superfulouse. And in the final measure, everything else, IS superfulouse.

Second reason for seeking the ONE, to put an end to our pain.Next time you experience the blue hour, or the stillness, embrace it and let it embrace you, you've felt it's blessing before, open your heart to it. And then give it away to all of life, whether they recognise it or not. For this cannot be kept and retain it's nature. You will be all right my friend.The battle between the angels and the demons is fought in many fields, and the second coming of Christ has happened many times already. Let go off both angels and demons, they are NOT the one.Let go of the negative visions and the positive visions, they are NOT the one. Be only an observer which is what the ONE is. Simplify your goal, and your approach. We move from the many to the one, from the complex to the simple. I am you speaking to you, hear, ponder if you choose, and then let go of this too, it's not the ONE.It does not move, it's eternal, it does not have power, it is still. It is eternaly everywhere and eternally aware.
Namaste' Ladyhawk.
http://spiritual-forum.net/iboard/index.php?act=ST&f=19&t=592&hl=empty+space&s=2212482b9de08db601dfea808407e371