Lage

He came in to the office in april 1996. Should be there 3 months for an exam-project as a designer but stayed much longer. During that time he screwed up my life completely.

I was 51 at the time, he was about 28, could have been my son. One day he looked into my eyes and I got locked in it. I freaked out. What the hell……This can´t be happening. Then he searched my eyes always. As he entered the room his eyes directly at me. I started to avoid looking at the door when it opened. He got frustrated. One afternoon he sat at the PC. I noted he worked with a new CAD-program so I sat down and we talked a little. Suddenly I noted some kind of thick forcefield being created around us. He started to move uncomfortably and then rised and left. I did as well, very confused.

Some weeks later, a saturday, we were working again. We were standing towards each other and then the forcefield started to grow again. He reacted like he was hit, turned around and left without saying anything.

We had a lot of trouble with communication. We had to work together. He was that kind of man that needs all woman to adore him. He always searched my eyes. Making me go highwired. We tried to talk, we tried to write. There was no way we could solve this problem. I tried to avoid him. He always tried to make me a “friend”. For short periods of time it worked. And it was lovely, but then something happened that made it freak out.

I did not have to see him enter the room to know he was there. I felt his presence everywhere. I always looked down when I felt him coming. One morning I felt him stop inside the door, watching me. When I did not look up I could feel and see with my inner eye how a thick brown field came towards me from him. I estimate its size to 1m long and 1dm high. It´s color was brown. It was his dissappointment that was coming towards me, forming this “chockolate bar” shaped energy.

When I was younger I had created this stonecastle wall around me to protect me against men. That was due to my grandpas abuse and due to another man at work that was troubling me for many years. Now Lage was tearing it down with his persistence. Making me even more vulnerable.

I had some additional trouble with work too, and in the beginning of July 1997 I broke down compleately. Made a suicide attempt. Was back to work after a week. Got no help. But some weeks later somebody else helped me get a new job.

It continued for a while afterwords. He told me that he never ment that he “loved” me. He only wanted me as a friend. Strange way of doing that.

Well, for some reason I think we got into this mess because we had a relation in some earlier lifetime. It seem to be the only explanation. Especially when I think fo the strange energies we were surrounded with.

Maybe this is the time to finish it. To throw away old notes and memories. Let it go.
Aurora 2006-07-11