Why am I resisting this? Why am I being pushed instead of walking freely?
When I was younger, around 30-40 yrs, meditation and yoga periods worked more of less as people say. Made you calm for a while. When I had some difficult times in the 50:s I started, again, to meditate and did yoga. All I wanted from that was some peace and quiet as life was quite turbulent. But this time it went totally wrong.
The peace and quiet was nowhere to be found. When I looked around to different religions and such I became aware of that reincarnation might be real. Somehow it sounded like fair, as some people has very poor and hard lives. On the other hand I had a real problem accepting that I might have to be “aware” for an eternity. That the liberty of death might not be true at all.
Now, what is the better choice? Being enlightened and be aware for eternity? Or just die? The body dies, Aurora will cease to exist, but the spirit will again take another lifeform. But not Aurora. She will never think again, soon also forgotten. So, in a way, I am dead, forever, eternally! What a relief!
Then, what is the reaction of the spirit? Do I have to care about it? Is it my business?
I know, this is fear, fear of having to live forever. That is a disgusting thought. I find “eternal awareness” repulsive. What I wanted was death, and to stay dead. Not to be an everlasting awareness.
Can I change it?
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"Aurora you have no choice."
ReplyDeleteYeah, I´ve noticed.
"Part of this is due to thinking the awareness of the spirit is the same as the identity awareness of the Aurora or of any human. and human identity awareness is the cause of suffering. "
This is not entierly true, as I, kind of, indentifiy with both sides of the coin. :-( I am trapped.
"There is only one, not two..."
How many times has this been said now? How many glimpses did I have? How many accounts have I heard? Makes no difference, it can´t be "known" until it is done and lived. It is still life, isn´t it?