2006-08-27

The resistence of ego?

For a couple of days now I have been feeling great. But now I seem to develop a depression.

This “feeling great” has somehow enhanced some feelings that has developed over the past year. For some years now I have the feeling that “spirituality” wants me to stop heavy exercises. For what reason I don´t know, I still do them as I think a strong body is good for a human.

The last year I also seem to have changed the “need” for nature. I don´t have the same urge to go out sometimes. (except for the past three months when I spent all time out there.) The forest and lake is not that important anymore. Maybe because it seem to have changed. Have I spoiled it with all my tears? Dragged it down with my sorrow? I owe it a lot but it does not give the same feeling anymore.

It also seem that when one feel good inside, the need for outer input seem to vanish, thus interrest for it stops. And now, it seems as I am getting depressed because of it.

The resistence of ego??

It still wants to live the old life. But that is not going to happen even if the change will not be as fundamental as I would have wanted it to. You do need an appartment in Sweden. And money to pay rent and food.

I´m tired.
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3 comments:

  1. Aurora27/8/06 20:20

    thanks chip, I ´ll try to do that.

    :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thorny Rose16/9/06 09:04

    Your thoughts resonate in my heart and my mind more than you can imagine. Sorry I have no words of encouragement for you in this regard - because I feel the same way.

    Are we perhaps waiting for something big to change so we can move forward?

    or

    Have we missed something even bigger through spiritual blindness in the past and now we are lost?

    or

    Is this just the way things are supposed to be?

    Healing, love, peace, joy I need those the most and they elude me always....

    At least I can still smile....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aurora16/9/06 22:30

    Thorny Rose
    quote: "Healing, love, peace, joy I need those the most and they elude me always...."

    I think the problem is that we expect it coming from the outside. It has to come from within.

    I don´t know if we missed something, you can´t really know.

    ReplyDelete

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