Talking to myself

Being alone……..never been before, even I I were by myself only. But now I am.

Biking home today I realised it is probably my own fault. I mean… the situation I am in now. All my life I have tried to heal myself when I was abused in different ways. Always turned to forest and water, calm music and such for healing. I thought it helped me to survive. But now I wonder, maybe I was wrong? As it seems now it was the calm and tranquility that led to the next hit. The next blow. The next not understood dissappointment.

This time I can´t do that even if I wanted. I don´t find peace in the forest or on the water anymore. “Touch the light and you get burned”. Better to walk away, turn your back on it and go. Now the wound has to stay open. It can´t heal anymore.

Well, funnier things is coming. Going to Venice for a few days. A needed break.

Never mind!