Ok, now I had it…..again!
I have to put an end to this. I have to get my life back!
The past years my mind has been clogged, occupied with spirit stuff. I have been spiritually abused. I am so full of this that I hardly function anymore. Month after month, year after year. A never ending story. And never any relief.
I forget to pay bills. I ignore things. I have left my family. I never had any problems with paying bills before. Why the past years.
Yesterday my boss called. He had an “emergency”. I have not worked in 11 weeks. Now all of a sudden there was something I had to help out with, can I come tomorrow morning? he said. OK, I will go fix tickets for the train so pick me up at the station, I said.
I biked downtown, went into the station and bought tickets. There was a lot of people so I gathered the tickets and my wallet and sat down to check that it was correct. Then left.
This morning when I took the tickets out, on the train, I realised I had no wallet. It was gone. Money, cards, drivers license. All in there, just gone. After arriving to work, I tried to call the station, but nowadays it is impossible. You just come to some digital telephone. So, I had to call and block the cards for further use.
Coming home I tried to go online to the bank and order a new creditcard. What happen? System offline. So, here I am. No money, no ID, no cards. I can´t even buy food.
Also, this winter, this morning, the first time I go back to work, there is snow falling. Bikeing hazardous as it was icy. And the work I was supposed to do, a mess! No proper data to work with, actually, no data at all, just a simple sketch. They had delayd this work for 4 months and comes up with nothing to work with at all. Yet they want results. I told my boss he should not have agreed to this. And that people leaving that bad data to work with should be ashamed.
Now, if this is another “shitten test” I don´t want to play any more. If the universe think this is funny, I strongly disagree. Am I acting childish? Maybe, so what?
I want my life back! I am not going to write any more BS on this blog. It is not interesting and noone but chip reads it anyway.
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I read it too! I know thats probably not enough to keep you going, but I like to read it too. My spirit stuff has taken me on a similar route, with the distance from friends and family (of course thats what I wanted) and forgetting things and daily duties. I am getting back to work and school now as I am feeling better and see the past few years as a time to heal and reorient myself. I had to pull away for a long time (I see that now) to get a different perspective on myself and the world. I am not 100% but getting better. Maybe you losing your wallet and cards is symbolic in relation to self identity? If not, I know being away from mundane things and not talking to many people can make you kinda foggy on how to talk to people and do everyday tasks. I was forgetting words when telling someone a story and how to go about everyday tasks or even that they needed to be done! Needed more balance so Im glad I'm going back to work to with the new perspective. But glad I had a chance to get away from clocks and people and worries and concerns for a time because the way I was going about things wasnt working. I know you frustrated, I read you blog almost every day, I know chip plus one more person (me) may not be enough to keep you writing but hope you feel better ok
ReplyDeleteSorry for my last post! I know I really have no good answer for you why you lost you wallet but think its interesting that it happened and then you couldnt get through to train station on phone and then the big mess at work! I also remember that a few times I missed paying bills by accident on occasion and even intentionally ignored them for a few months even though I had the money for them. I know how you feel I spent past few years with my mind thinking about spirit stuff all day and night, with no end in sight and few answers. Some things happen and sometimes I figure them out and go 'aha!' and other times I just chalk it up to mystery and maybe never figure some things out, but Im ok with that now. But I'm still curious. My school and work keep me occupied right now so not thinking so much about spiritual all day. why you no write email anymore? its ok though! ive been busy too
ReplyDeletefurther!
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