Coming back from celebrations I find myself strange. Now there is no stress, no expectations of me, no spiritual questions or curiosity. And, finally, accepting that family does not mean as much as they used to. Feels like I finally get some peace. At least for a while. I will probably not have much to tell for a while. I can do what I want when I want it. As I can forsee there is only that “job-game” to entertain and that is not that much.
Havn´t felt like this for years, if ever. Hope it stays that way.
2006-12-28
2006-12-23
2006-12-20
Merry-go-round
Think I have been on this topic many times now. Don´t remember if I already wrote it or not, but don´t bother too check it right now.
All of this is quite hilarious. I mean, first, life make a big deal of presenting us with egos and personalities. For years it is shaping them. Making them strong and viable. To deal with everything that comes in your way in life.
Then, all of a sudden, you are pushed like hell to dismantle the whole concept you just created. Spending as many years to dismantle it as you (or life, god or whatever you whish) did creating it. Going out of your mind. Close to insanity.
That is why I call this a game, and make someone pissed off. But truly, I can, still, not see any of value in this.
I spent soo many years now, just trying to survive. Trying not to go mad. With various results. One suicide attempt among that. Whatever I think I am, as long as I am in this body I don´t want to end up mad. What good is awakening if you are crazy? Or have altzheimers? Spend your days in hospice? If you are crazy and don´t know what you are, there is no need for awakening. So, am still asking, why the hell this game??????????????????????????????
If the universe need us awaken, there should not be any egos created in the fist place.
There is something wrong about it. (not the first time either) Round and roundI go for eternity. Never ends.
All of this is quite hilarious. I mean, first, life make a big deal of presenting us with egos and personalities. For years it is shaping them. Making them strong and viable. To deal with everything that comes in your way in life.
Then, all of a sudden, you are pushed like hell to dismantle the whole concept you just created. Spending as many years to dismantle it as you (or life, god or whatever you whish) did creating it. Going out of your mind. Close to insanity.
That is why I call this a game, and make someone pissed off. But truly, I can, still, not see any of value in this.
I spent soo many years now, just trying to survive. Trying not to go mad. With various results. One suicide attempt among that. Whatever I think I am, as long as I am in this body I don´t want to end up mad. What good is awakening if you are crazy? Or have altzheimers? Spend your days in hospice? If you are crazy and don´t know what you are, there is no need for awakening. So, am still asking, why the hell this game??????????????????????????????
If the universe need us awaken, there should not be any egos created in the fist place.
There is something wrong about it. (not the first time either) Round and roundI go for eternity. Never ends.
2006-12-18
The Flow
Some awakened people refer to awakened life as flowing. Meaning, as I understand it, that no effort is used for things to happen. Like Jed McK, he does not seem to plan things. Mostly he follows what ever impulses he gets. But things tend to work out.
I wonder if that could apply to a young, fulltime working mother with three toddlers? Is it even possible to go by impulses in that situation? To go by the flow?
You can experience this kind of events now and then. When things just works out, but always??
This new living of mine seem to fulfill any expectations somehow. I did not get my own old farm as I would have liked, but the location I am in provides a lot of different places to go depending on what mood I am in. Today I visited the place in the photo. Sitting leaning toward a treetrunk. Temperature freezing. Listening to the gentle swirling of the flowing water. The sound of a woodpecker.
That´s why I was thinking on the flow. The flow also have been subjects in Jeds book and on Eddies blog. So, syncronicity?
I think I have started to live by those rules. I did not even ask the man who helped me with the wallpaper how much he would charge me. Totally forgot it. Turned out I think he was cheap. Sometimes things just happens.
2006-12-15
Troubles are not accepted?
This morning I added this blog to an upstarting searchmachine for spiritual sites. Well, if is accepted of course. We´ll see.
Now some thoughts came to mind.
Some of my own “troubles” I can´t say I have found anywhere else. But some areas I see almost anywhere on forums.
Some years ago when internet was young and so were my troublesome situation. I was visiting forums to try to find answers. Back then I found a lot of despair, a lot of troublesome experiences among people. Nowadays it is like it has vanished, drowned among all the loving sites. It is like troubles are not allowed. Like when I was attending the yogaschool and they told me what I experienced did not exist, could not be (expressed in an old post).
I think it is time to accept that these things are real. One should not be slaped in the face with “god loves you” when you are close to suicide because “god” threw you into a wall. And you hate it.
For the moment I am relieved that I had a calm time for about three months.
Now some thoughts came to mind.
Some of my own “troubles” I can´t say I have found anywhere else. But some areas I see almost anywhere on forums.
Some years ago when internet was young and so were my troublesome situation. I was visiting forums to try to find answers. Back then I found a lot of despair, a lot of troublesome experiences among people. Nowadays it is like it has vanished, drowned among all the loving sites. It is like troubles are not allowed. Like when I was attending the yogaschool and they told me what I experienced did not exist, could not be (expressed in an old post).
I think it is time to accept that these things are real. One should not be slaped in the face with “god loves you” when you are close to suicide because “god” threw you into a wall. And you hate it.
For the moment I am relieved that I had a calm time for about three months.
2006-12-13
The impossible One/Truth
They always fail to stick with it. As soon as Truth is mentioned, they start to divide it. Suddenly you have maya, dreams, illusions and a lot of other things. How can that be? Why are there untrue things in the truth?
“Living dead” puppets does not seem right. It should be a field of fluctuating energy. Where denser parts make up for individuals. But maybe my vision of it makes it hard for living as a human. But why should it be harder then “living dead”?
The Universe is energy. Living dead puppets can´t be right. Something is missing.
Human adulthood ??? Jed speaks about it as the next step. But what is it? To see “living dead” does not seem to be much of an improvement.
The past weeks I seem to get idéas, start write them down, but then just lose interest. The above is some of it.
Continued to read Jeds second book after all, but just skimmes most of it. Don´t give much more. What is intereting is the interview at the end. I guess I am just not the type that likes to dissect things. Like the Moby Dick book. If you have to spend weeks to understand something it is not worth understanding. And you can´t be sure you understood it right anyway. It is just guessing.
A lot of what he writes, the good parts, rings true, but there is differences too. I don´t do that kind of autolyses thingi. Never could. On the othre hand, never had any religious ideas, and think I know pretty well where and what I am. My experience is mostly being pushed. I´ve tried that negating tecnique but it never worked for me.
whatever………….
“Living dead” puppets does not seem right. It should be a field of fluctuating energy. Where denser parts make up for individuals. But maybe my vision of it makes it hard for living as a human. But why should it be harder then “living dead”?
The Universe is energy. Living dead puppets can´t be right. Something is missing.
Human adulthood ??? Jed speaks about it as the next step. But what is it? To see “living dead” does not seem to be much of an improvement.
The past weeks I seem to get idéas, start write them down, but then just lose interest. The above is some of it.
Continued to read Jeds second book after all, but just skimmes most of it. Don´t give much more. What is intereting is the interview at the end. I guess I am just not the type that likes to dissect things. Like the Moby Dick book. If you have to spend weeks to understand something it is not worth understanding. And you can´t be sure you understood it right anyway. It is just guessing.
A lot of what he writes, the good parts, rings true, but there is differences too. I don´t do that kind of autolyses thingi. Never could. On the othre hand, never had any religious ideas, and think I know pretty well where and what I am. My experience is mostly being pushed. I´ve tried that negating tecnique but it never worked for me.
whatever………….
2006-12-08
Old habits
Sitting here wondering.
The move is done, been here for a month now.
A change, but yet not a change. How come that it is soo hard to change when you are a human? Differenet location, same habits. But I knew that! It was the same when I was young. I used to say, after a few weeks it is the same old, same old. Different streets, same habits.
Don´t misunderstand. I love the surrounding I have seen so far. Mostly as good as, or better than before. So, why do I still feel like this is not what it was supposed to be? Why am I still waiting for “freedom”. I am still trapped in this body, with all human belongings. With the need to pay rent and buy food. It will be better for ecomic reasons and that I will always be able to sit by the lake even when old bones will find it hard to walk.
Yet......... I am still trapped.
The move is done, been here for a month now.
A change, but yet not a change. How come that it is soo hard to change when you are a human? Differenet location, same habits. But I knew that! It was the same when I was young. I used to say, after a few weeks it is the same old, same old. Different streets, same habits.
Don´t misunderstand. I love the surrounding I have seen so far. Mostly as good as, or better than before. So, why do I still feel like this is not what it was supposed to be? Why am I still waiting for “freedom”. I am still trapped in this body, with all human belongings. With the need to pay rent and buy food. It will be better for ecomic reasons and that I will always be able to sit by the lake even when old bones will find it hard to walk.
Yet......... I am still trapped.
2006-12-07
Clones
A response of mine to a thread on clones and souls on HP forum.
IMHO the clone is ONLY a clone of the body. Every body needs a soul so one will be granted to it. I strongly doubt that they can clone the spirit/soul.
Venetian, what you mention about bodys without soul rings a bell to some thoughts I have. I have had an OBE that occured when the body still walking. I also seen someone newly awakened talk about "the body acted on autopilot". Meaning that the body performed all normal tasks without the soul or spirit involved.
Sometimes my thought have been in the line of "soul is a parasite using the body for some purpose". The body/ego seems to be capable to all lifesustaining functions without the soul/spirit.
Well, some thoughts not nessessarely true.
http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=402305
IMHO the clone is ONLY a clone of the body. Every body needs a soul so one will be granted to it. I strongly doubt that they can clone the spirit/soul.
Venetian, what you mention about bodys without soul rings a bell to some thoughts I have. I have had an OBE that occured when the body still walking. I also seen someone newly awakened talk about "the body acted on autopilot". Meaning that the body performed all normal tasks without the soul or spirit involved.
Sometimes my thought have been in the line of "soul is a parasite using the body for some purpose". The body/ego seems to be capable to all lifesustaining functions without the soul/spirit.
Well, some thoughts not nessessarely true.
http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=402305
2006-12-05
HANTA YO
”But what difference whatever truth raises a man tall or bows his heads and bend his knees as long as none interferes with the ways of another? Everyone breathes with the breath of the great mystery; each one, a mystery within the whole mystery, a body within a soul, a knowing in contact with all knowing. Herein sits the true importance.”
“Grandfather, I send a voice; hear me;
From this earth with your breath I send a voice;
Grandfather, I shall live”
“HANTA YO”, Ruth Beebe Hill, chapter XIII
“Grandfather, I send a voice; hear me;
From this earth with your breath I send a voice;
Grandfather, I shall live”
“HANTA YO”, Ruth Beebe Hill, chapter XIII
2006-12-04
Faith
Grim says:
Blind Faith that is not Blind of what NOT to be Faithful about, including its Faith.
Blind Faith that IS Blind for what to be Faithful about, including its Faith.
Aurora Borealis säger:
faith is a strange concept
Grim says:
Faith is what you are
That was a piece of an MSN converstion with Grim yesterday. He likes to complicate things. :-) He never get to explain what he ment with the last comment though. “Faith is what you are”
Generally I think “faith” IS a strange concept. Everyone says you must have it. I wonder why! Why do I need faith? What for? I don´t have any faith. In my book “to have faith” means that I have something I do have faith in. I have no faith in anything. I do think or know (as I experience it) that there is a greater awareness. But to have faith in it means I expect something from that awareness/absolute/One (take ur pick). And that it will be fulfilled. I do sense it, but I don´t trust it, how can I have faith?? And Grims last statement, .....have to ask him what he actually ment.
Blind Faith that is not Blind of what NOT to be Faithful about, including its Faith.
Blind Faith that IS Blind for what to be Faithful about, including its Faith.
Aurora Borealis säger:
faith is a strange concept
Grim says:
Faith is what you are
That was a piece of an MSN converstion with Grim yesterday. He likes to complicate things. :-) He never get to explain what he ment with the last comment though. “Faith is what you are”
Generally I think “faith” IS a strange concept. Everyone says you must have it. I wonder why! Why do I need faith? What for? I don´t have any faith. In my book “to have faith” means that I have something I do have faith in. I have no faith in anything. I do think or know (as I experience it) that there is a greater awareness. But to have faith in it means I expect something from that awareness/absolute/One (take ur pick). And that it will be fulfilled. I do sense it, but I don´t trust it, how can I have faith?? And Grims last statement, .....have to ask him what he actually ment.
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