hormones

I hate being in a body I can´t control. Being ruled by body functions and hormons.



Having to eat and drink. Go to the loo. Spending soo much time to maintain the function of 65 kilo of flesh and blood that you can´t control. What a prison.


Now I am in a situation that again causes me a lot of trouble because the body reacts as a body reacts. Without asking ME what I want. The body works on it´s own, dragging me with it. They talk about Mind over matter, but it is Matter over mind. There is noway you can cheat biological reactions.


I will be forced to stop attending the birder meetings. To, again, be on my own.


This man makes my body jump. I have known him for almost a year and a half. But not met him so many times. A year ago I noticed, occaisonally, how he started to send feelings. And….that is disturbing. Especially as I did not know if he is single.


I am 64 and it is still the same. This guy looks at me and tries to get attention in different ways. At the same time there is a woman clinging to is sholder. (She is new to the club, but obviously the kind of woman that does not like to live alone.) How the hell am I supposed to react??? Can somebody tell me? I don´t know if they are together. When I look at her….they are. Looking at him……they are not. But in 18 months we came no longer then an unused telephonenumber. Despite he obviosuly like me and I told him I would appreciate accompany him on birding trips.


I have to stop attending those meetings because he is stirring up so many emotions. And I can´t handle it. Running away again? Sure! I don´t know how to play this game anyway. As I don´t know how to play the spiritual game.


Body, mind and spirit……… it is all shit. Pointless games for no purpose.
And....why does not feelings grow old? Like the body? They don´t match each other any more.