Grim

Checking my mailbox yesterday I noticed an orange marking in there. It was the chat service. Some years ago I sometimes chatted with a person that way. But now I had forgoten about it.

I was mildly chocked because it was one of the guys from a spiritual forum. At the same time I noticed two names in the sidebar. It was two females from the same forum. What was all this about now? I hesitated for a few minutes before I opened the chat area. And it was the guy I thought it would be.

I had been wondering about what happened to him so I thought chatting for a while would not hurt. He had been to Tibet for some time and now back in the US again. I asked if he had found what he was looking for but it was negative. So, not even he found it. And he is already enlighened as far as I know.

Well, I was a bit shaky afterwords. I realised how the past two years had affected me. I was forgetting, and it is a blessing. Today my body is protesting. Head ache, stomack out of order. My body don´t like the prospect of being pulled back into spiritual search. I don´t want that. Why did he have to show up?

What shall I do?
What is happening?
I have no desire to start all over again.
Futile!
Leave me alone.