Yesterday, when I was working out, I actually considered starting meditation again.
I know deep down the soul wants it, but never the less I know it would not bring any good to me. There is no way I can believe it would. So, I HAVE to ignore the longing of the soul.
People say they experience joy and peace, stillness, as being enlightened, but nothing in my life indicates that would be true for me. I can´t let it fool me.
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Hello Again Aurora!
ReplyDeleteray here, gatesofgrace... hmmm as you remember this "guy"... i wonder does this please you or not. Is it intriguing to you? i ask, only because these are my feelings as i write this.
Your honesty has always moved me. Sinister even, with it's reflections... my first thoughts were, "...she is kinda scary". Do not feel that now as i smile.
Curious about your meditation remarks. My experience being unique only because... i haven't heard this before from another. On my journey, I was compelled to slip or turn away (flee) from all manner of thought. For at this time... all such thought was such that i could not trust them any longer. Never wanting or able to explain this before... i was instantly transformed into the stillness that is talked about. My explanation and trust in this form of experience is this... when i had done so... it appears, i was in some form or state of acceptance (already). That is to say i had simultaneously turned from one state of experiencing while a measure of acceptance was creeping over me. I can only say it was as if i was tricked into this place. Only i think i had mysteriously preconditioned myself with years of longing and shifting in order to do this. Prior to that i too was scared of being fooled (again).
Wanted to share some of this with you!
Blessings!
ray
Aurora, sometimes it seems we can trip into a place that is scary. When we think of bad intent and misguided measures when considering the kundalini, this should be considered yes. Yet, for the young and innocent what a wonder thing to consider. For the rest of us, we must realize the nature of guides and allies from one's nature that remains in our deception... that as you say... leads astray.
ReplyDeleteMuch love i believe... is needed when considering such things.
ray
Hi Ray, no, I don´t mind. It is still hard to understand what you say. It is like you leave out half of it.
ReplyDeleteIs honesty scarying? I have never invented one word, or spoken any lie. But also never talked about dreams or hopes of what wonders there should be. I can only talk about what I know. That is why am not a believer.
There is a basic understanding within, an understanding I can´g ignore. But it seems as "the other side" don´t want me to go there. Because every time I got close I got smashed. Or told not to. They made me hurt, cry so many tears. I´m not allowing this any more. Ans simultainiously they try to push me forward.
They have no right to do this. Now I ignore it. I don´t go anywhere near meditation or relaxing into nature as I used to. Because it is a trap. If I go there I will end up beaten again.
But that does not change what I am within. What I think I was supposed to become. I just think my guides need to understand what I am about. If they were my students they would not graduate.
You talk about all your wonders, I have never experienced any of it. The only thing I know is pain and suffering. That is nothing to long for, so I suppress the "longing of the soul". I hide it as much as I can. Human life is better without it.
Aurora
adding.
ReplyDeleteor if they (my guides or whatever) were my employeés, I would fire them emediately due to bad performance and unproffessional behaviour. ;(
If I am here to accomplish anything, they should let me do so, and not interfere everytime I want to do anything. If I am not trusted to do the task, why the hell am I here?
With regards to leaving half out... i like that! There was no tutor for me and i do feel my stumbling was ultimately founded without any summation as to what really happened. I remember reading in the gnostic lit. that Jesus appeared in many forms and with each offering he was required to go into great detail to explain. Then after time, his followers such as Judas and Bartholomew showed great wisdom on their own. I can't imagine this in me ever. Yet, one hopes for wisdom. I seem to see much differently regarding relationships between mankind. Here i think i could council. Between man and creator don't know.
ReplyDeletePerhaps we can share more and see where it takes us.
Thanks for the reply... your honesty and cantor is still second to none. lol
ray
hm, you seem to have changed. Where are those sugercoated dreams of yours? What happened?
ReplyDeleteAll in the perception i guess. My initial feelings is that something very powerful is and does respond to one's seeking. He/she or even it has the means to balance all that needs to be balanced. When we seek we are by in large seeking to balance the tilts that have altered or influences our thinking. My persona would have sugar coated that as a very good thing. Perhaps that is naivety. I'm sure now it was, come to think of it.
ReplyDeleteThe balance that is needed... comes from unlikely sources. I have felt you had hit a wall in this for some time. I have not experienced that.
i hope to learn more in this.
maybe it is your turn then to hit the wall and to run around in the maze like a crazy rat. I don´t envy you then.
ReplyDeleteYou know I Am different and I truly doubt that I can assist you in any way. Really, I am confused to why you are here.
The human part of me is not seeking. It does not give a damn. It is the soul that seeks. And the stupid guides is likely to be in between.
In my experience I can´t do anything. And the balance you talk about, the other side probably can acieve that, if they want to. But there is probably nothing you can do to persuade them to do it.
It seems like you always relied on authority, I never did.
I don´t know, I can´t even help myself so how can I help you. I barely manage to keep a standstill. And I am not going back freely.
Perhaps the title for your post intrigued me. To say, one is in or out of their minds, does offer a lot of intrigue. An honesty perhaps that is a reflection from something seen or experienced.
ReplyDeleteI am here to share dialogue with you and that doesn't require anything really... seeking or anything else. Yet, what you share has inspired my response for now.
If a could ask a question? Could you share more on what you said here? "I know deep down the soul wants it, but never the less I know it would not bring any good to me." regarding meditation.
ray
lol, you really have changed.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the question.
It is the duality I live in, a thing that chip never understood. Or anyone else for that matter.
There is me, the human being living on this planet. Inside me is the soul. It is always there as a presence in the chest. They are separete and united and should function as one I guess. But they don´t really. There is also the third party, the spirit. Meddling in between. And I am aware of it all.
Mainly, as a human being I live here and has to function as a human. This human does not like pain ofcourse. Neither does she like to be forced to do things or believe in things.
Earlier I used meditation and nature to connect to the higher self, or that nice feeling nature can give.
If I should do that today I would give the spirit and soul access to my mind. And that can only end with another blow. And with that I mean a sudden "hit" to my head, leaving me screming and crying for hours sometimes. The human part does not like that so I close every access to me. It has happened so many times I will not risk it again if there is a chance to avoid it. Even if it means I never acieve what ever I was supposed to achieve.
But the soul can always enter another body and start all over again. So for me (human) it does not matter. As long as my life is quiet I am satiesfied.
Don´t know if this make any sense to you. You probably has not experienced the duality and then you can´t understand it.
That last comment has served it's purpose. Let me try this. As i began to weigh my conscience with regards to my likes and dislikes. Looking at bias, familiarity, friendship, family love... i became aware that with such things they were seldom if ever constant. With each measure moving and shifting, all positions in one's "reality" becomes known to them... from an illusion, and for a time their "reality" as true as it is for them, thus is yet another illusion. There has been much chat about that. lol
ReplyDeleteInitially i acted upon these measures whereby i realized each and every soul was doing the best they can in the "world" or in the reality/illusion they were living in.
Here's where i took it. No one gets up and says today i wish to be the biggest a-hole ever. Or i want to be the victim of verbal abuse. Yet, so many end up like this. What controls them and others needed to be understood in my hopes to be free from them. I believe as you say, in the duality one becomes "captured" by this measure or that.
As i started to examine these actions, within the duality, i started to dismiss my illusions until finally as i witnessed duality all around me... i saw it as a stage or play, each acting their part. I can chose to act a part... but best of all choose to be removed from it.
This i think is where our paths are very different. Like to chat more if you wish to. Leading into what i call stillness or meditation. I understand it can be wrenching for some. Once prompted to sit with Buddhist in meditation, they cautioned the struggle to clear thought can have hair raising consequences. Yet, for me at this time, several years of addressing illusions of the dual nature... i went into a complete stillness. Again, i feel i was balanced at this time. Let me tell you, i had gone through much before i reached this balance.
perhaps latter... lengthy! lol
quote: i went into a complete stillness. Again, i feel i was balanced at this time.
ReplyDeleteYou say you went into stillness and was balanced. Yet you are aware it is not enough. I think you created another castle of air. When you are finally done there will be no judgments whether it is stillness and balanced.
The fact that you tell me lets me know you doubt the situation is genuine. You still create your dreamworld.
It does seem enough to me actually. My decisions are to be within my "I am" whenever i wish too. To identify my "I am", allows me to live free. I am not held by the illusion that pulls and tugs, my reality reflecting to these effects of duality with each passing turn.
ReplyDeleteHere is a look at the term mystic. It applies.
Lastly, let us clarify that by the word "mystic," we mean any human being who knows how the Law of Duality can affect him or her, and still chooses to pass through its heavy portals, learning from trial and error, which in turn harmonizes the poles of duality within human nature. Consciousness, the harmonizing factor that blends the two extremes together, has, within its ethereal substance, the essential component that unfolds what is called "mystical love." Hence a mystic is a human being who unites the two extremes within him, transforming them into a rod of illumination that draws self-consciousness back to the unmanifested Center of Pure Being.
www.plotinus.com
oh dear!
ReplyDeleteRay, it is not your decision to make. You can wish it and strive for it, but never can you do it on your own. Unless you still talk about a lower level.
To meditate and enter an altered state of mind IS NOT to be awakened.
You are not talking about "I AM", you are talking about making a private little room for yourself inside. Where you can rest peacefully.
When you are truly awakended and turned inte I AM you can never go back. It is a one way trip. Nothing you can go in and out of.
Yes! Aurora, as it is... i believe, i am in full agreement with what you say. Awakening, i wonder how does one define really, while one still breathes as we do?
ReplyDeleteI cannot pretend to do so! The way of the mystic i guess. It is not so bad in itself. Reaches for dialog from time to time... so it seems.
I don´t think Awakening can be defined. Just lived. One way or another.
ReplyDeleteWish you a Happy Easter Ray. :)
Yes! Easter Blessings to you as well!
ReplyDeletePerhaps our discussion has been reduced in simple terms to the truth.
In the same way your original post can be considered... as the pain and suffering that you reflect upon, i feel, reveals a measure that has gripped you deeply.
The question of my intrigue is, "How do our hearts differ in this?
How too... can that be reduced to the truth and be done with?
... in my heart that is my intrigue!
Would such a triumph be better than being bound to the dark night of the soul?
... in my heart this has always been... but i have not suffered so!
One is never alone in this, but for a time one stands "feels" alone until they turn and face their adversary.
... in my heart, it is better to do so than to languish about, no matter how the suffering!
Does our hearts differ in this?
you speak of truth, hearts, triumph. In me there are no such things. There is no "truth" Something just IS.
ReplyDeleteWhat good would "triumph" do? It only indicates you feel you have done greately, being proud of yourself, an easy way to fool yourself.
The dark night, if that is what it is, is nothing I can do anything about. I can´t fight an enemy I can´t see or communicate with. I can´t even protect myself. The only thing I can do is to shut it out as best I can.
In a way my situation is like teh woman with an abusive husband. He beats all resistence, love, and trust out of her. One day she turns her back and leave. If she don´t, she slowly turns into a living dead with a closed system.
I don´t know why you ask me all these questions. I can´t help you. Is there nobody on the Forums that you can talk to? There used to be a number of people that knows everything. (ironic)
The Universe is welcome to overtake this body if that is what it wants. But never will I beg for it. Or strive for it again. It is not my business from a human perspective.
To ask... in this context, is to see further into another and to help define what separates. If we were the only two remaining and alone. We would do this... and in time feel quite responsive toward the other.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your candor... i won't ask if you don't wish.
Let me know if you wish to chat further.
ray