Again

This morning it started again. Those convulsive feelings that cames before the crying attacks. Took some calming pills to prevent it to proceed.

I hate this, I can´t even enjoy life because of it. It´s always below the surface. Wanting, demanding. Waiting for a chance to act. …when my guard is low………just to hit me again! L

How I hate it! The only thing I want is to die, not leaving any trace behind, never live on other planes. “Higher” they call them. What a joke, I don´t WANT to live forever in some shitten eternity. I don´t care how it is. Is it too much to ask……..just to dissappear……never to be aware again.

I HATE THIS!
And………again…………it´s raining tears……..does not matter, am not starting all over again. Will take more pills.