The last couple of days has been kind of emotional. Yesterday it was a very nice autum morning. I took a walk down to the lake. But instead of finding peace there was a black hole in my chest. An empty space that should have been filled with content and peace with self.
Then the internet trouble started and I got furious. That was all that was needed to set all emotions to start. Blaming the Universe for every crap that happens. The longing for death. Why the h-l live a life like this? It´s disgusting. And for no sk-n reason.
Today the intestines started to bleed. They always do when I am troubled. So now I can really live out my hate for the universe. To hell with it.
2008-10-28
2008-10-10
For Fin
I´ve been wondering why you wrote me of all people to get the adress. Maybe I have something to tell.
I don´t know why you wanted to talk to no1, but maybe you don´t need to.
As I see it now, none of them has anything important to say. They are unable to help as they are not done themselves. They claim to be one with the universe, awaken or what ever. But they are not. They are still stuck in the body and limited to it. They think they know The All, but, yet they have no access to my mind. They have no clue of what is going on in my mind. Or yours. I could never see myself as finished as long as the mind is limited. Yea, they have come a long way, but they still have a long way to go.
Chip and grimnexus was the two that knew me best. Yet none of them understood what is going on in my mind. I don´t think they even believed me.
And all those teachings, the secrets. Chip told me of a well kept secret she had discovered. But that was a thing I have known for decades. A comon thing in my eyes. And she was amazed.
I read the Tibetan book of the dead. That book needed only to be one page long. All it said was: recognice all that comes as being yourself. Know the energy to be you!
I started to read one of the books of D Lama.The Dzogchen one. He lived all his life learning Buddism. Yet for all learning and a lifetime of living it, he dared not say he was awakened, and he did not teach his own knowing. Halfway into the book I got mad and throw the book into the lake where I was sitting. It´s on the bottom now I guess, covered with mud. There was only booklearning in there, and nothing I did not already know.
Since then I refuse to do any work in that area. I´ve been stoped, I´ve been hit, I´ve been covered again with the dirt I cleaned of, to not discover the truth. Now I don´t any more. I am pissed of to not be allowed to do myself what I was supposed to do. If the spirit wants to go further, it is up to it. I don´t bother any more.
What I want to say really is that I don´t think you need to consult anybody. They have nothing to tell you. If they can´t read your soul, if they can´t see/be your mind, they are not done. And none of them can, they can´t penetrate that barrier. And then, they can´t help you. But at least grim knew that there is more. He was still searching last I heard anything.
If ever I will "awaken" I expect it to be no limits whatsoever. With the body only as a channel to communicate to the world of matter.
I don´t know why you wanted to talk to no1, but maybe you don´t need to.
As I see it now, none of them has anything important to say. They are unable to help as they are not done themselves. They claim to be one with the universe, awaken or what ever. But they are not. They are still stuck in the body and limited to it. They think they know The All, but, yet they have no access to my mind. They have no clue of what is going on in my mind. Or yours. I could never see myself as finished as long as the mind is limited. Yea, they have come a long way, but they still have a long way to go.
Chip and grimnexus was the two that knew me best. Yet none of them understood what is going on in my mind. I don´t think they even believed me.
And all those teachings, the secrets. Chip told me of a well kept secret she had discovered. But that was a thing I have known for decades. A comon thing in my eyes. And she was amazed.
I read the Tibetan book of the dead. That book needed only to be one page long. All it said was: recognice all that comes as being yourself. Know the energy to be you!
I started to read one of the books of D Lama.The Dzogchen one. He lived all his life learning Buddism. Yet for all learning and a lifetime of living it, he dared not say he was awakened, and he did not teach his own knowing. Halfway into the book I got mad and throw the book into the lake where I was sitting. It´s on the bottom now I guess, covered with mud. There was only booklearning in there, and nothing I did not already know.
Since then I refuse to do any work in that area. I´ve been stoped, I´ve been hit, I´ve been covered again with the dirt I cleaned of, to not discover the truth. Now I don´t any more. I am pissed of to not be allowed to do myself what I was supposed to do. If the spirit wants to go further, it is up to it. I don´t bother any more.
What I want to say really is that I don´t think you need to consult anybody. They have nothing to tell you. If they can´t read your soul, if they can´t see/be your mind, they are not done. And none of them can, they can´t penetrate that barrier. And then, they can´t help you. But at least grim knew that there is more. He was still searching last I heard anything.
If ever I will "awaken" I expect it to be no limits whatsoever. With the body only as a channel to communicate to the world of matter.
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