It does not give up? Does it.?
This time I will just give a short version of the dream.
I was in the trainstation serching for the departure of a train. I was supposed to go to some sort of celebration for me. At first there was somebody accompany me, but that person disapperd. (chip?) Then I needed to go to a restroom but found only a mens one. So went in there. Met somebody I talked to. When going out I noticed my glasses was gone. And now the time was short for departure. Searched for a moment but decided I had to run for the train. Did so. But, of course, the train left when I had but 2 m left. Stood there, thinking I could take the next one, turned to go back for the glasses. I never went back as I was aware of the nature of the dream. I had recognised it.
How many of these have I dreamt? And why? I does not make sense. Here is a complaint I am not doing the shitten work, loosing my lifes goal. BUT EVERY TIME I TRIED TO GO THERE I GOT STOPPED. SMASHED, HIT, LEFT ON THE FLOOR CRYING. I HAD MY BRAIN SPLIT, BEEN CRYING OCEANS OF TEARS. WHEN I CLEANED THE AURA… THE DIRTCOVER WAS PUT BACK ON ME. WHEN I WANTED TO LEARN HEALING I WAS HIT BY LIGHTNING, TOLD NOT TO GO THERE. WHEN TRYING TO GO THROUGH THE VAIL IN MEDITATION, THE FIRE WAS PUT DOWN, ENDED, KILLED! I WAS THROWN OUT. And yet, it has the nerve to tell me I failed.
WHAT THE HELL DOES IT WANT FROM ME? I CERTAINLY CANT BOTH GO THERE AND NOT, SIMULTANEOUSLY. AND NOW I HAVE NO WHISH TO GO, IT HAS NOT EARNED MY TRUST. I AM NOT GOING TO BE SMASHED ONCE AGAIN. NEVER AGAIN WILL I GO THERE!
Get the hell out of my system! Don´t give me any more of those shitten dreams!
2008-07-17
So stupid it makes me angry
This morning I dreamed again. But this time it took me several hours before I realized what it was all about. A coment to my last posting.
I dreamt that my mother, who past away last october, came to the house. She looked very dead. But she was a teacher now, obviously. Then my dad, still alive, was joining her. They made a lot of fuss to be certain I understood that they were going to another town to teach somebody else. They really made it clear that they were leaving to do that.
End of dream.
So, this time it was no missing any trains or cargoships. This time the teacher was going elswhere. Really……..going.
The dream so stupid it makes me sick to my stomach. Where the hell is the wisdom? If this is "guiding" it is sooo bad it makes me ashamed. It behaves like an imature teenager. Pisses me off. Is there no remedy that can poisen this so I get rid of it?
I dreamt that my mother, who past away last october, came to the house. She looked very dead. But she was a teacher now, obviously. Then my dad, still alive, was joining her. They made a lot of fuss to be certain I understood that they were going to another town to teach somebody else. They really made it clear that they were leaving to do that.
End of dream.
So, this time it was no missing any trains or cargoships. This time the teacher was going elswhere. Really……..going.
The dream so stupid it makes me sick to my stomach. Where the hell is the wisdom? If this is "guiding" it is sooo bad it makes me ashamed. It behaves like an imature teenager. Pisses me off. Is there no remedy that can poisen this so I get rid of it?
2008-07-14
Mist
When I come in here nowadays, I find it strange. Was all this real? It was what my life circled around for 10-12 years. Something like that. Now it seems like a dream, a bad dream, far away, covered in mist. It´s hard to understand it was real. The urges, the longing, the duality. I never understood it.
Most of the time it was nothing but pain and suffering. I have to admit though that there was some good friends to light it up. Well, if they was friends, or if I was? Makes no difference, it is all gone now. Don´t think there will be much more to analyse. That world, that bad dream, is fading away like in the movies. Life comes back.
What I learned, if I learned, went away faster then it came. Left me empty. In the mist.
Maybe it is time to close this site?
Kids, kayaking, butterflies…………….that´s life!
Most of the time it was nothing but pain and suffering. I have to admit though that there was some good friends to light it up. Well, if they was friends, or if I was? Makes no difference, it is all gone now. Don´t think there will be much more to analyse. That world, that bad dream, is fading away like in the movies. Life comes back.
What I learned, if I learned, went away faster then it came. Left me empty. In the mist.
Maybe it is time to close this site?
Kids, kayaking, butterflies…………….that´s life!
2008-07-11
2008-07-09
Responsibility?
Have been reading a mag about the mind and brain. (Scientific American Mind).
One really wonders, can a person ever hold responsibility for what is wired in the their brains? I mean, everything seem to depend on how the brain is built. Everything from happiness to becoming a murder and abuser. Cancer as well as sleep patterns, your sexual desires as well as your taste of food. There is literally nothing that can be said to be "your own choice". It is all dictated by the brain.
Makes me wonder about Karma. Is it the law of karma that wires our brains? Sending us into one disaster after another? Maybe people needed an explanation for how we work and did not know what caused it. So "the law of karma" was invented. If Karma really exists………who is responsible for wiring our brains? Who is so great it can deal with us as it chooses? And mostly treat us like shit? WHO has the RIGHT to do it? I am not sure I like to hear the answer.
In an article I have read about religious experiences. That too is wired in the brain as it seems. Surely visions and altered states of mind depends of conditions of the brain.
So, I am not responsible for anything. Not even what I choose to eat. Or whom I love. If I do love at all.
: (
One really wonders, can a person ever hold responsibility for what is wired in the their brains? I mean, everything seem to depend on how the brain is built. Everything from happiness to becoming a murder and abuser. Cancer as well as sleep patterns, your sexual desires as well as your taste of food. There is literally nothing that can be said to be "your own choice". It is all dictated by the brain.
Makes me wonder about Karma. Is it the law of karma that wires our brains? Sending us into one disaster after another? Maybe people needed an explanation for how we work and did not know what caused it. So "the law of karma" was invented. If Karma really exists………who is responsible for wiring our brains? Who is so great it can deal with us as it chooses? And mostly treat us like shit? WHO has the RIGHT to do it? I am not sure I like to hear the answer.
In an article I have read about religious experiences. That too is wired in the brain as it seems. Surely visions and altered states of mind depends of conditions of the brain.
So, I am not responsible for anything. Not even what I choose to eat. Or whom I love. If I do love at all.
: (
2008-07-06
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
