Brainsplit

The END
Yesterday night I got an answer from Yogaville. One of the teachers wrote me a letter instead of the swami. I was glad and took it as a kind of positive reaction to my stopping meditation. She wrote a little story of a girl waiting for her father. (He made her a puzzle from a newspaper teared apart. She was clever and turned the pieces upsidedown to finish because on the backside was a picture af a human face.) She also explained the "snapping" in my head as "adjustments" to meditation.
I took this little store as a sign that I might find an easier way than the complicated way of mentalism, so that might be the way for me.

With a little hesitation I sat down this morning to meditate. It started OK, I seemed to be "going somewere", this computerstorage was gone. But suddenly there were two hands grabbing my brain and ripped it apart. I fell out, all crying, and felt a strong urge to go and commit suicide. I was crying. This was surely not what I had expected. If this is the benefit of meditation, I will NEVER sit down again. This was the END of that. If all they can do is to fool you and make you feel miserable then I better do without it. It is now 3 h since it happend and I still feel the need of committing suicide, but that will have to wait, there are things I have to do first. My watch told me it took only 22 minutes for this catastrophe to take place.

I think I might put this on the net to warn others. So far I have not find anything that makes it worth it.
I will have to write this teacher to thank her for her time, but how do I tell her what happend???