After a quiet year it has started all over again. Spiritual stuff is soon overloading my poor brain. Flying over my head like thunderclouds. Just waiting for lightenings to strike.
First I wrote a letter to one old friend. But I doubt he will response. He is on a journey to find the Ultimate. At least he was a year ago. I wanted to ask him if he has ever heard about anybody trying to derstoy their spirit? Because that is what I think I am doing. The scattered dreams is telling me so. He usually reads a lot and I think he was going to some guru so, if there is any tale he should probably know.
Then I met this woman online. For the first time I met somebody that seem to have no problem understanding me. And for now that scares the h-l out of me because I am not prepared to get draged back into spiritual search. I am not prepared to, one day soon, find myself being beaten up again.
What is happening?
2009-02-24
2009-02-22
Memories
There were a line of thoughts a moment ago.
About, if our lifeexperiences does matter or not, I am not sure.
Those that claim to be enlightened have, to my knowledge, never mentioned having access to other peoples memories or experiences. They talk about a peaceful void. And to my knowledge they never experience the living universe.
Hm, this is hard!
As I understand what they say, our lives has no meaning. There are no nuances in the void that depends on our experiences. We live our hurtful lives for nothing. Just to crack a brain.
If they are right, there is no reason what so ever why we should live those lives with karma involved. Or to live at all. Trying to figure out the meaning of old religions and to live to serve others. To better oneself. As it is said you have to do get to "heaven". It is of no use.
There must be sometning they don´t know. They claim to be the Void, yet they don´t know me. They are still limited.
I am talking about the Ultimate state, not somewhere in between. It has to include everything I have ever been, everything that have ever happened. You can´t take things away because then it is not all anymore.
I just hate this. It´s like trying to grab an emotion with your hand.
About, if our lifeexperiences does matter or not, I am not sure.
Those that claim to be enlightened have, to my knowledge, never mentioned having access to other peoples memories or experiences. They talk about a peaceful void. And to my knowledge they never experience the living universe.
Hm, this is hard!
As I understand what they say, our lives has no meaning. There are no nuances in the void that depends on our experiences. We live our hurtful lives for nothing. Just to crack a brain.
If they are right, there is no reason what so ever why we should live those lives with karma involved. Or to live at all. Trying to figure out the meaning of old religions and to live to serve others. To better oneself. As it is said you have to do get to "heaven". It is of no use.
There must be sometning they don´t know. They claim to be the Void, yet they don´t know me. They are still limited.
I am talking about the Ultimate state, not somewhere in between. It has to include everything I have ever been, everything that have ever happened. You can´t take things away because then it is not all anymore.
I just hate this. It´s like trying to grab an emotion with your hand.
2009-02-21
Competition in Paris, another dream
Again one of those dreams. Think it is the second time it was located in Paris.
I was on some athletic competition. A lot of orange colors in the dresses and surroundings. Most of the time I spent in the dressingroom area. After a long time, without competition I realised people was getting ready to go home. So, grabbed some things and ran over to see what it was all about. Did not really think it was time.
Found two of my companions beside a table. So asked them what was going on. They turned and pointed, the bus is soon leaving for the airport. We have to run. So, we started to run then. But then the bus started. And we stoped.
Then I started to check myself, I did not have any money, the bag was not with me. Ticket gone, I was not even fully dressed. No shoes and no jacket. Thought I had to look for it.
At that point I recognised myself. I realised I was in the dream. And all action seased. Never mind to find it. The spirit fails. Still making the same mistake with me. It never learns.
*************************************
The dream was not well structured as this sort of dream usually are. It was kind of sloppy, like the spirit giving up on me. GREAT! Life is good as it is now without this shit. Do I care about the spirit? NO! I don´t. It made too many mistakes and misjudged the human part of the system. I don´t mind if it has to live another life, at least that will not be me. I will sease to exist. The spirit part of me is scattering in the wind. And, can´t help it, but I am happy about it.
I was on some athletic competition. A lot of orange colors in the dresses and surroundings. Most of the time I spent in the dressingroom area. After a long time, without competition I realised people was getting ready to go home. So, grabbed some things and ran over to see what it was all about. Did not really think it was time.
Found two of my companions beside a table. So asked them what was going on. They turned and pointed, the bus is soon leaving for the airport. We have to run. So, we started to run then. But then the bus started. And we stoped.
Then I started to check myself, I did not have any money, the bag was not with me. Ticket gone, I was not even fully dressed. No shoes and no jacket. Thought I had to look for it.
At that point I recognised myself. I realised I was in the dream. And all action seased. Never mind to find it. The spirit fails. Still making the same mistake with me. It never learns.
*************************************
The dream was not well structured as this sort of dream usually are. It was kind of sloppy, like the spirit giving up on me. GREAT! Life is good as it is now without this shit. Do I care about the spirit? NO! I don´t. It made too many mistakes and misjudged the human part of the system. I don´t mind if it has to live another life, at least that will not be me. I will sease to exist. The spirit part of me is scattering in the wind. And, can´t help it, but I am happy about it.
Disconnected
For a month I have been working in a first grade school class. It was a wonderful thing in a way. You really feel the connection to some of the kids. You form a bond between you.
Before that I had my parents to care for. First both of them and the last year only my dad.
My daughter and grandkids lives in a different town so I don´t see them much.
Now I am in the situation that I have been longing for. Can do as I please, at least for the greater part.
I am not sure about all this caretaking. Creations of bonds between souls. Experiencing the fact that souls are not many but one. Belonging. And then it all just disappears.
The old and familiar thoughts of spiritual matters still knocks at the "door". And I still keep the door closed. The questions never answered. I can´t relax as it is pulling. I refuse to start all over again.
I am alone now, in a void. I will remain here.
Before that I had my parents to care for. First both of them and the last year only my dad.
My daughter and grandkids lives in a different town so I don´t see them much.
Now I am in the situation that I have been longing for. Can do as I please, at least for the greater part.
I am not sure about all this caretaking. Creations of bonds between souls. Experiencing the fact that souls are not many but one. Belonging. And then it all just disappears.
The old and familiar thoughts of spiritual matters still knocks at the "door". And I still keep the door closed. The questions never answered. I can´t relax as it is pulling. I refuse to start all over again.
I am alone now, in a void. I will remain here.
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