A dream and a sign.

This morning I had another dream. Thinking of it, it was the second one like this.

There were 3 of us. Or I should say aspects of me.
We were at the hotel and then I noted somebody wanted to capture the smallest of us. Two of us ran away with the third just hanging on. We were chased across town. Trying to hide wherever we could. We were in a building of sort when I realized we had to go back to the hotel to pick something up. A ticket I think.
Then I saw a glimpse of a sign with black border. There were 3 words in Latin on it, starting with the letter M. But that was all I was able to see.

There was no hint on why we were chased or what we were supposed to do. I just knew we should not be captured.

The dream have changed

I was in a group but lost sight of them when I visited the WC. I strolled around and after a while somebody came looking for me.

Next I was in the hotel going out. One woman came and wanted company down town. She ordered a car and off we went. She drew to the main hotel to fix the room and charges for departure later that day. She said we had to do that because it would be tight in the evening.

Well, I could not do that, because I did not know, and my tickets were still in our hotel. I was not even aware that we were supposed to leave that evening. We were supposed to go home. But I did not really care, if the plane left without me, so what! I´ll do something else. I did not even know where “home” was, that we were supposed go to.

So fragile

I can´t stand anything nowadays. Even the smallest annoyance makes me go wild with anger. The other day, …the bank. Banks nowadays just hate to give cash to anybody. And I was supposed to have cash. I get so furious on stupid matters that I instantly am thinking of killing myself just to get rid of the pain.

And then, the spirituality. Never really leaves no matter what. Always pushing away, and luring in at the same time. I don´t dare do anything about it. If I do, I end up in hospice. Never to think straight again. Breaking apart!

So fragile, that is what men and spirituality has done to me. People use to say “what did not kill you made you stronger”. That is not true. Those that say so have not encountered another hardship.

CRAP

Dreaming again!

It was a while now since I dreamt one of those dreams.

Today I was in the hotel, not really aware I should leave. Not until I got some hints from management. Looking at some papers I noted that I should be on the plane now. But that was so far away, did not bother me at all. Do I have to leave my room? Do I care, they will not throw me out? Diffuse thinking, not really there. Distant!
……………….
What I wonder is why they keep sending me that dream? That becomes less for every time, not much left of it. Have they not learned by now, I am not going anywhere. They have not earned my trust.