Canyon Echos - Ancient Visions - Native American

Somebody is in my head

Last saturday I had one of those sessions again. Starting to cry, wondering why I was not allowed to awaken. All those people, bitches, drogadicts and fanatic religious ones. They made it. But I was denied. Why? Thay always said that one should be nice and good to be able to enter the kingdom of Gods. But to me it seems that the meaner one is, the easier to get there.

The awakened ones always talk about being the one. But they don´t dare speak for it. So, how can they clame to be the universe if they are not me? Instead of being One, they are separated. Limited by their brains.

Yesterday the second entity in my head was really persistent. Pushing its head up like a snake. Starting to think. Starting the old fashioned way of dealing with questions. So hard to suppress. But I will conquer it. I´ll never submit to believe in halftruths. Sometimes I think I might turn around and become a bad person. But I will not do that either. I don´t really like the idéa of revenge. Only when I am angry.

So, now the peace ended.

I have been aware it starts moving again.

Today I biked to the forest for a while. And I feel the longing. The loning for for spirituality, to become one. But I neiher will or can go there again. I have to be careful so the nature don´t trick me.

Today, as usual, heart stated to weep. It´s bleeding and tears starts to run down the cheak. And I get pissed. I am not getting to fool myself again. If I was not allowed to go there before, why the hell should I now? No, they just want the satiesfaction of seeing me smashed once more. I´m not going to read a lot of that trash again, just to throw it out the window. So fucking meaningless.

I AM NOT GOING THERE AGAIN. If they think it is fun to punish me for that, go ahead! That hurts less because then I know it is because I defy it.

Here we go again!

Seems like peace is over for now.
Today I was biking in the countryside. Then it starts, first the longing for spirituality, the connection with nature. But I resist, I can´t go there again, don´t want to.
Heart starts to blead, tears falls, just the same game as allways. Trying to get me there, inserts hope, just to smash my head all over again. I will not do it. I am not going there again.
Why do they think it is so fun to hurt me? I will not spend 30 years to study stupid religions just to throw it out the window. I refuse! I will not do it.

If tehy think it is so fun to smash me, well, they can do it, it does not make me change my ming.
Go to hell!

The brain

Havn´t been here……….

,,,,,,,,much lately and that is great.
Spirituality is as toxic as drogs so it will probably take years before I am free of it. Dome days it just pops up and makes demands, but so fat I am able to resist.

I am now busy with finishing everything that is left after my dad died. Then I have a lot to do with photographing and the other blogs I have. I keep myself very busy. But this morning I stoped and wondered why. But I know why, it is to keep myself free of spiritual thoughts.

I have read some more about the brain. The research nowadays reveal a lot of the brain. For now it seems like all spiritual experiences is just gosts created in the brain. Everything we experience is only works of the brain. Spiritual stuff no different. It is just about the brain. And when we die, it is gone. And that is good, that is the real comfort. If there is one.

The brain seem to be constantly changing, new pathways are created. Somewhere is those spiritual experiences created. Not different from our experience of colors or sound or warmth.
So, life is only created in our brains, when the brain is shut down there is nothing more to experience. That is true death.

So, I keep busy to fool the brain, locking certain things out.